possibly closing this blog for Tumblr

i'm probably going to stop blogging from this site and strictly blog on my tumblr account. its a little more convenient and "on the go" friendly. so if you want to follow me on there, leave a comment so i can email you the link.

-Aaron

my cousin

this is my cousin. he's a FOOOOL!!!!!!!

my decision

hey everyone! how are you guys doing? you like the new look??? i decided that it was time for a little change. i took the music off and i will just post songs of the day/week posts instead. things have really been moving fast for me lately. i decided to finally move away from memphis. things here aren't working out the way that i planned. sometimes you have to make decisions that are going to affect your tomorrow instead of today. i look at this move as a business trip. i'm moving to houston for school and school only. 100% focused. there are people here that only want to see my downfall and i will not let them win. my mom doesn't like the idea of me leaving, but thats only because my pops lives in houston. she still doesn't agree with my reasons for moving, but you can't let people's dislikes rule over you. i feel like in order for me to achieve my dreams and goals, i have to make this move. i have 2 semesters of school left. i can do it ALL online. i'm not missing a beat. still in school. still focused. after undergrad, i'm jumping right into grad school at SHSU. i was talkin to my "mid town crew" and they were telling me that its ok if i don't have the things i wanted by now or be in "that" part of my life yet. they basically said that my 20's was the decade when you find out who you really are and what type of person you are. once you hit 30, life just "clicks together". you just become a totally new person. i agree completely with that statement. it seems like a lot of times i make the dumbest choices and its all because of me being 25 and having the "wildin cuz i'm young" attitude. now i'm not saying that i just live like a rock star and i go clubbing every chance i get. but i mean it like, i can do/say something to someone and not think about how it may affect them. when you are 30 hopefully those days are long gone from your mentality. these next 5years i'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that by the time i'm 30, everything that needs to be in place will be. i'm really excited about this. i'm really going to miss my friends and family in memphis, but i'm only a short car ride away so i'll be coming back and forth to visit all the time. its been real memphis but i gotta go! lol

peace&love

troubles

hey everyone! how was your week? and how was your weekend? sorry i didn't do a song this weekend. this week has been pretty rough for me. i had to find out the hard way who all i can call "family" in my own family. I've realized that sometimes you have to really watch who you call your friend as well. sometimes people want to be your friend just to get close to you to hurt you. for the first time in years i got into a physical altercation with someone. i'm not the fighting type at all, but i definitely will not let anyone put their hands on me either. I know 100% that this is a test from God, but you don't want to be like "Really God? Like seriously, why am i going through this. I'm not a bad person." i'm not one to question God or the tests that He puts me through; all i know is that i'm ready for my breakthrough.

peace&love

We need to be past this/halloween party

hey everyone!!!! i am SOOOOOOO sorry for not blogging last week. i was trippin'. One night i said i was going to blog, but i stayed up tweeting instead. lol don't judge me. matter fact shout out to one of my followers for calling me out on it too. lol So with that said, i promise to do better to guys! #scoutshonor.


i kinda feel like discussing something that happened a few weeks ago before i jump into recent events. i kinda touched on it on tumblr, but i didn't go into detail on it. I'm a little skeptical about discussing things on my blog, because i have something called internet spies, or cowards if you will, they have been making up lies about me. My ex calls me and says that someone told her Ex's best friend who proceeded to tell her EX that she cheated on him the entire time they were together and that they received the information from me. Apparently, i had a conversation with this person and told them these things. o_O Now, normally i would brush it off, BUT when she called she had this to say. "i had to calm myself down before i called because i was going to go off." Now let me get this straight, you want to go off on me about something that was apparently said months ago that i DIDN'T EVEN SAY!!! i have NO interest in their relationship. never one time did i ask her friends about her OR him and their relationship. they always came to me with info about what was going on with her. why should i care about a relationship that has nothing to do with me. why should i care when she basically lied to me about their relationship the ENTIRE time she and i were supposedly "working things out"????? if anything I should have been the one going off. And then come to find out that their relationship was rocky the entire time?!?!?!?!?! what do i care for? when referring to my relationship with her now, i don't say her name at all. the only way that people that i have met within the past few months know who my ex is, is because they know her personally and she has said names. i don't say names specifically for that reason. i don't want people in my business. we have too many mutual friends and i would prefer things to be left unknown. i still don't know who this person is that said i said these things, but if you know me like you say you do, contact me and lets talk about it.we'll keep real and funky.


now that i have that off my chest i can move on to the fun stuff!


HALLOWEEN!

YO, no lie, i had the most fun ever this Halloween. i normally don't go out on halloween, but this year i was off and i didn't really have anything else to do and i was invited to a party so i decided to go. i dressed up as Allen from "The Hangover" i had the baby, the sling, the man purse *pause* the corny clothes and everything. in my opinion i had the best costume, because NO ONE else had anything like it. people were cartoon characters and entertainers, but i didn't see anyone that was original like mine. i took mad photos that night lol i didn't know a single person hardly at the beginning of the night, but by the time i left, i made a few new friends. even before i walked into the party people were already excited about my costume #shoutouttothehomieshay. this girl that was there made me this drink and i promise you guys, i've never gotten so drunk so fast in my life. lol like the beers i had, they had me good, but the that concoction had me GREAT!#shoutouttoladygaga lol my ex was there as well. i wasn't sure how that was going to go with what was said earlier, but it was cool. we didn't really talk much. we were cordial to one another. had a few laughs and that was it. drama free so that was nice.

there's one more thing that i want to discuss, but i have to wait until a few things develop, but when they do, you guys will be the first to know. i hope everyone that was able to vote today, voted. this is OUR generation. let's be responsible and take care of it. until next time folks

peace&love

song of the day

ok so its friday folks!!! hope everyone had a good week. this weeks song selection was tough because i couldn't choose a song lol this selection process is harder than you think. songs back in the day were so good. lol but hopefully you all will like the song so without further ado, here's the song. some of my readers might be old enough to remember this song lol Have a great weekend folks! be safe out there.

peace&love

weekend update 10/21/10

hey everyone!!!

i know i said i was gonna be back on Monday with my weekend update but, i had a long weekend. it actually didn't end until Tuesday night. but i really didn't do much though. i was suppose to take a little trip this weekend but it didn't work out. my friend ended up not being able to come so i had to stay in Memphis all weekend for fall break. this is the first time in 2 or 3 years that i didn't go out of town for the break but i got some much needed rest. so what did i do you ask? well, I'm bout to tell ya lol

Friday night i went to Memphis madness for out basketball team. i had a lot of fun. i ended up with my Cre and her friends. it was easily 15 of them. yeah they were THAT deep. so we all sat together and joked and enjoyed ourselves. then we when to this fish place downtown and it was ok. not the biggest fried fish fan, unless its catfish from a black restaurant lol so after we ate we went to this bar that i totally forgot the name of now, but we had some shots and then Cre and i left. but i want to go back and discuss some of her friends. first off let me say that i felt a little out place because i was wearing my Memphis tigers t-shirt and they all had on like polo shirts and nice slacks and the girls were all dressed nice so I'm clearly the kid in this situation lol but when we were all eating, i found out a few things that some of the guys did for a living and they were VERY successful. as in $$$$$$$$ SUCCESSFUL. it was very inspiring though at the same time because these guys were only a year or 2 older than me. they were very down to earth and they said that they would invite me out with them the next time they went out. they reminded me a little of my crew. i want my boys and i to be successful and still be close at the same time. hopefully in the next few years when we are all done with school and well into our professions we can be that way. time will tell......


Saturday was a BAD day for me. like i don't even want to discuss it, because it still pisses me off about what happened. eventually i will have to talk about it because there will be some changes made for me personally very soon, so i will keep u posted. Sunday i went to church and relaxed. i didn't really do much besides work on Monday. Tuesday night i went out to see one of my followers on twitter perform at this place in midtown last night. i honestly didn't think i was going to enjoy myself as much as i did. Sean put on a great show!! me and my first family attended and a few other people that they knew came too and we all had a good time.there were these guys that were there and they KNEW EVERY WORD TO EVERY SONG Sean did. it must be a great feeling being a performer and seeing people singing and relating to the songs that you wrote. after the show, we all went to my favorite place......HUEY'S!!! lol Sean came too and we all kicked it and talked had a really good time. man i wish i had recorded some of the show so i could upload some of it to show u guys. I'm gonna purchase his album next week when i get paid and i will have one of his songs for the "Song of the day" post.

so that was my weekend, very productive, yet relaxing at that same time. oh and if anyone wants to recommend songs for me to post for the "song of the day" post, feel free to do so! i enjoy the feedback that you all give me and i thank you all for your comments. also shoutout to my new blogger followers! thank you for stopping by and reading my blog! well that's all i have to say for now. have a good one folks!

peace&love

Music Friday!!!

i haven't done this is in a LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGGG time!! so i'm bringing it back. here's the song of the day. hope everyone has a great day and weekend! i'll be back on monday for the weekend update! be safe out there folks!

peace&love

weekend update

hey everyone!!!


how was your weekend? did u you guys go out and enjoy yourselves?? My weekend was ok. i work went to church and watched a lot of football. lol i met one of my followers too saturday night. really nice girl. she was very different than any girl i've met in recent months. very humble and wholesome. good sense of humor as well. she mentioned something to me that was kinda personal about her and it kinda surprised me. it's been a while since i've met anyone like her but what really surprised me is how she told me guys treated her. that really bothered me because she is a GREAT girl that any guy should be honored to call "his" girl. But then she said something that really got my attention she said that she wasn't worried about them because they weren't on her level spiritually. and that really impressed me. i don't EVER hear anyone say things like that and i realized that i want to be around more people like that. more girls that stand for something and mean it. but anywho, i had a fun night.

oh and if you haven't listened to Bruno Mars album, i suggest you do. its good. you're listening to a song from the album now!

peace&love

The Everyday Struggles.....

As a child you never really know what your life will like as an adult. you don't think about bills, the realistic vision of having a family of your own and the responsibilities that go into place. i was fortunate enough as a child to live in a good environment and grow up to have good values and morals. i know first hand what its like to experience the climb from the bottom to the top to achieve the "American dream". i struggled with my father and my mother during their divorce. when one parent was doing well, the other, not so much. it wasn't til recent years that both sides were finally living comfortably. My father struggled to find his place in life and after 54 yrs of living he's finally found his place. My mother on the other hand, suffered in marriage to my step father for almost 20 yrs that she didn't want to be apart of for the last 10 yrs of the marriage. she's JUST now finally 100% happy. and i say that to say this, i don't know where my life is going to take me. i'm at the point in my life where if i choose option A, i go here. if i choose option B, i go there. i'm confident that i will make the right choices, but i don't want to have to go through hitting rock bottom in order to get to the "HAPPY" place in my life. Today was a real eye opening day for me because i felt the closing walls of reality get THAT much closer. I'm not living in denial or anything like that, but i'm just not happy. not 100%. i really feel like i'm rambling, but i'm really not. i know someone out there knows what i'm trying to say.

peace&love

we DO exist

today on twitter there was a discussion about the "non existing" GOOD man. i'm so sick and tired of hearing this. women stay saying that good men don't exist or that "men aint shit" *excuse my french*. well let's think about that.what are YOU doing wrong? where are you getting or selecting your mates? where are u meeting these guys? the clubs? on beale street? the mall? i mean seriously. how do u expect to find a good guy when you are look in the wrong places? i wouldn't dare give my number to a girl at the club and think that she is "THE ONE". she's "the one" for the night. you can't possibly think that the guy that is a dope dealer, that already has 5 kids with 5 other women, is going to be a good man for you. he's in and out of jail constantly! but yet u staying by his side with a tattoo of his name on your neck. Get real ladies.


if a guy, like myself, comes to you on a respectable manor, you all brush us off. we are instantly put in the friend zone and you assume that we are the "push over" guy. Well that couldn't be any further than the truth. just because i don't sleep with every girl that walks past me or at least attempt to, doesn't mean that not any less of a man than the guy that is walking around with his pants hanging down. if you want a good man, stop settling for the trash that comes your way. just because u had a bad break up with an ex or he cheated on you, doesn't mean the next guy will. i'm not saying to just have your guard down, but don't have the wall at an unclimbable height. i would never take anything out on the next girl just because my ex did me wrong. if anything, i'm going to pick up on traits and signs to show me that you are either a good girl or someone i don't need to mess with.

idk if it's a nurturing, *that's not really the word i was looking for* thing that women feel the need to have someone around to make them feel "complete", not lonely, or what. but if you all take your time when you like a guy you will see what type of man he is. and stop sleeping with men so soon. that's key too. you want to see how long a guy will hang around? tell him you aren't having sex til you get married. see his response. No respectable man should want/wants to be with a woman that gives it up after a week (or less) as far as a relationship goes. At least I don't.......but what really bothers me the most about this, is that women already KNOW these things, but yet they want to STILL date the wrong type of guy and then a week or 2 later they want to curse the world.

man i had to get that off my chest. i'll check in with you guys later.....
peace&love

OH YEAH! I HAVE A BLOG! lol

so its literally been almost 2 months since i blogged....i think lol


there has been a lot going on in my life since that time i blogged. i've met some cool people, i've been reacquainted with old faces also. i'd don't have the time to go completely into detail about EVERYTHING but i will do the most that i can...

so school has started and i'm doing well in ALL of my classes. i'm taking Italian this fall and i enjoy it!! i don't really need it, but i want to take a foreign language for my own personal reasons. but i want to go to Italy next summer for my Bday. i've started saving up for it and everything. i'm hoping that by january 2011 i'll have the majority of it paid for. i remember talking about it to a friend of mine this past summer about possibly going together, but since we are no longer talking, looks like i will be traveling alone. one of my friends said she wanted to go, but we'll see if she decides to actually go. i have projects due in ALL my classes but i actually like being busy. i've never had so much work in college. it really makes me upset about how much i procrastinated with school in the past but i am glad that i can appreciate the hard work now.

social life....well, i wouldn't say that it doesn't exist, but i have been spending time with people that were in my life at one point in time, but left for whatever reasons but are now back. one thing i have learned is that you can't always control the paths that people take in life. if it just so happens to cross yours then u have to do your part to make an impression on that person so that they feel the need to keep u in it. and if they don't want you to be in it, then don't force the issue. i am so grateful for the people in my life now, but if for whatever reason they don't want to be in mine, then so be it. i wish them the best. still no girlfriend, but i'm not really worried about tho. she'll come when the time is right. 3.5 months of no sex and i'm going strong! lol

my grandmother isn't doing well at all. her health has gone on a downward spiral since the last time i blogged. some days are good, but the bad ones are very bad. i went to see her on saturday and i had to hold back from crying. i hate to see her in pain. its just a difficult thing to be exposed to when u are only used to seeing these things happen in movies or other families. i try to make sure i see her whenever i can. some days she knows who i am, other days she doesn't. so as u can see, i have to just roll with her moods.

thats all i have to really talk about for now. i'll be back later this week with more in depth information on my social life.
#peace&love

not the old me anymore

hey everyone,


i took a little break from writing and social networking for a few days last week because of my grams illness. she's not better but the fits aren't as frequent as they were this past week. i can't lie, with every phone call i received, i though that it was going to be THE call. But thank God that it wasn't. There have been a few isolated situations with some of my family members, but illness can do that to a family. But i have confidence that we will pull together. my cousin is coming home this week to help out. i'm gonna go over to the house on my off days this week so, i will get to do my part as well. My gramps still hasn't grasped that he can't treat her like he normally does. i think he's just in denial about his wife. i mean, she's been sick for years now, but this just came outta nowhere with the fits and wandering out the house and the stopped breathing. i know he's scared. we all are.......let me change the subject, i'm starting get a little sad.......



So, at church today, my pastor said something and it really hit home with me. he said something along the lines of how we can put people on these pedestals higher than the people that are really there for us. i am guilty of that to the 5th degree. i have these friendships with people in other states and i put them before a lot of people here in memphis just because they live in major cities and they have these great lives, whereas the people here in memphis are just as important and mean more to me than they do. i had a friendship with a young lady that you all may remember me talking about; i really liked her a lot and i really put her about everyone else, when she hadn't done anything special. we talked a lot sure, but what was it that made me want to treat her better than anyone here???? yeah, she was cute. great personality. head on right, but i have people here that were equally as great as she was. now i don't even talk to her. AT ALL. i tried to reach out to her last week and she didn't respond. so, what was all the extra credit for????? I tried to reach out to my homeboy too. he didn't say anything either. i mean it was like a slap in the face. i'm not a bad guy. i will admit when i'm wrong. everyone that knows me, knows that i will. i have no problem accepting responsibility for my faults. but when u de-friend me and not say anything when i try to make amends, that really pisses me off. at least have the decency to curse me out or say "hey, i don't think you and i should be friends anymore." But let me say this before it gets confused, i do not beg for friendships or relationships. if you don't want to be my friend, ok cool. i'm grown. i can handle it. i'm not going to cry about it. but at least give me the respect i deserve. or at least thats what i would do. if i didn't want to be friends with a person, i'm going to just tell them. i think this just shows me how forgiving i am of people and how i let people in without truly getting to know them. it's not like i didn't try. i can admit that i ignore signals, but when i do finally see them, its like "DUH AARON" lol there's more to this that i want to say or could say, but its really pointless at this point. Sure i'm going to miss the friendships, but u can't make anyone do what they don't want to do. i mean, once u get unfollowed on twitter or fb i guess thats the obvious sign that they are done being your friend right?....


last night my hs sweetheart came by my house. i hadn't seen her in 2 years. she got married around the time my recent ex and i got together. Tiff and i have always had a good relationship. even post breakup. we really didn't get that bad breakup experience. i moved back to NY and she moved to nashville to go to school so it was like we had no choice back then. but we have always been friends. although i know she loves her husband and her family, u can tell that there is still something there from the conversations that we have had in the past. i would never do anything to jeopardize her marriage. she WAS looking good though. i could see her happiness in her eyes and i must say that i couldn't help but become a little jealous. i want to be where she is. i want the family with 2 kids, nice home ya know. but anywho, we talked for a few hours about life and caught up on each others lives. i wouldn't mind talking to her more. maybe we could email or something. i know talking on the phone is not happening *i'm not a complete idiot* but some sort of communication would be nice.

that's all i have to say for now. u guys have a great week, i'll check in with you all later, OH! AND SHOUTOUT TO MY NEW FOLLOWER. YOU GUYS SHOW HER SOME LUV AND CHECK HER BLOG OUT!!

Peace&Love

hey everyone, i probably won't be blogging for a few days. my grandmother is really sick. she may have Alzheimer disease. to have her in this state is really hard to deal with. i don't want to see her go, but at the same time, i don't want to see her mind go along with her health. she doesn't deserve this pain. i'll keep u all posted.

peace&love

it was all a dream

I’ve been having these strange dreams lately about friends and mystery women that i have never met before. they are all based around the same thing……dating. my most recent dream was about a girl that i have never met. if i remember correctly, she was of some other race, but i don’t remember which one. i remember she had a friend and she was at the party we were at. but anywho, we are at this party, and this girl and i were really lovely dovey. in fact, my friends were tweeting about it. and my ex was there too! she was tweeting about us too. it was really strange. but the dream ended with her and i going to the grocery store getting food for the two of us to cook. very random ending, i know. but recently i’ve been having dreams about relationships with people that i know, but i have never had romantic feelings for them. and then there are the dreams i have about girls that i have never met. either way, i hope that something happens because if the girl of my “dreams” comes to a reality, i want it to happen soon lol

are these feelings normal???

so i haven't blooged in a few days because i've been watching true blood back to back for the past few days. *don't judge me. i've been off a couple days lol * hell, even tonight i'd be watching them but the website i go to is trippin so i decided to write for a bit before i go to bed. this weekend i probably won't be doing anything special. i have to work all weekend and i have a meeting on sunday morning that i have to go to that i really don't want to wake up for. i mean who has a meeting at 8am on a sunday????? only my boss. speaking my boss, i'm thinking about taking less of a role in my position. i really want to focus on MY life. i feel like this job is taking over my life. i find myself not really being happy at work. i mean don't get me wrong, i'm not depressed anymore or anything, but i just want to have a job that i can sit in an office and do a specific thing for 8hrs and go home stress free. i like my job, but i don't like the people that i work with too much. well mainly just one person. and i'm not saying that i'm going to quit because i don't like a particular person. i'm not stupid. i just want to have a job, be told the work that needs to be done, and when i finish i can go home. i'm thinking about moving to the operations side of the company. i just don't want to deal with people. i want to just work in peace. so we'll see what happens......


u ever feel like something is missing in your life but you aren't sure what it is? thats how i feel. well, i'm not sure if it's because i miss my friend, or if i just have that empty void that i want to fill. i'm thinking that it's a little bit of both mixed with my feelings being so wishy washy. i've noticed that i can really like or miss a person and then the next day i don't think twice about them. i don't think thats normal. i've been talkin to my ex more. i'd like to say daily but not really. maybe more like every other day. there are times when i want to tell her that i miss her or how i would like to see her and spend time with her, but then i have moments where i just don't want to open closed doors. i mean if she were to say something about us talking or dating again, i really don't know what i would say. but i'm 99% sure that she won't do that. she has a lot going on right now and i just don't see her wanting anything more than friendship. sure we can hang out from time to time, but it will probably stop there. which brings me back to my original thought, "is this what i'm missing in my life and am i just missing these girls because one isn't in my life while the other is?" as u can see this is a very complicated subject for me.


i had something else to talk about but i forgot. i think its the sleep that's starting to creep in. i've talk to you guys later.....

peace&love

weekend update

hey everybody! how was you all's weekend? my was pretty cool. real chill. kinda mellow, but still fun nonetheless. i kicked it with the #335 all weekend. i've been over there a lot lately. i love those girls. we are really like family. they have me watching harry potter movies. i never watched a single HP movie before this weekend and i'm hooked. lol #dontjudgeme i enjoyed them. i have 2 or 3 more to see before i get caught up on the series and then i might read the latest book once i get finished with the movies.


last entry i briefly touched on a subject that i was very touchy to me. i spoke a little too much off of emotion and i didn't really give the other side a chance to hear their side of the story. i shouldn't have said what i said. i apologized to my friend for what i said, but i'm not sure if it changed anything. i also got into an argument with a young lady that i was "talking" to. it was really petty, but i think it was needed for it to be completely over. i mean i knew it was over for a few weeks, but after what was said this weekend, there was no if's and's or but's about it. yesterday i apologized for the things i said. but i didn't do it as an attempt to try to work things out, i did it so that i could have my closure and to walk away from it on a positive note. i don't like ending things on bad terms. well at least on my end rather. but anywho, thats, that for that topic. hopefully things will work out for me and big homie. i still view him as a friend, but like i told him, people make mistakes. but only time will tell.


i've been in contact with my ex a lot these past few days. but not like what u think. we are in the begining stages of being friends. well at least i think we are lol anywho, i think that when u truly love someone, they will always have a place in your heart. i just want her to be happy regardless of who she is with. well thats all for now. holla at you guys later

peace&love

its not my fault lol

so i haven't been able to blog in almost a month because of my internet connection, but i'm back!!! i missed you guys! how have you all been?

the last time i talked to you guys, i was at a really low place in my life and i didn't really see signs of getting better, but i'm actually doing a lot better. i'm no longer "dating" the young lady that i was dating. it's for the best though. i was a little down about it, but i kinda knew it wasn't going to work in the long run. we had too many different opinions on things. sometimes i feel a little down but for the most part i'm ok with it. i'm kinda use to my relationships not working out to be honest. i was planning on moving to new york this summer, but i don't think its going to happen. my job really low blowed me on the transfer, but they made up for it with a nice raise so, i'm going to save up my money and finish school and then focus on moving. my grandmother isn't really feeling well either. she had a stroke a few weeks ago and its not looking like she is getting any better. i don't want to leave with her sick like this. my dads mom passed back in 04 and i felt like i didn't spend as much time and call her like i should have. so i kinda feel like this is my chance to make up from her, with my grams thats sick now. its always the person at the funeral that acts a fool because they didnt do what they should have while their loved one was living so they act all extra at the funeral and i'm be damned if that person is me.

today i found out something about someone that i thought was a good person, but they aren't as cool as i thought they were. it really made me mad because they said some things about a close friend of mine that i didn't agree with. now its not my place to say anything but it just really grinds my gears when things like that happen. i'm suppose to be seeing an old friend this weekend i think. i'm going to find out tomorrow if i will or not, but i'm a little excited to see her though. its been a long time since we hung out so i'm sure we will have fun....

well thats all for now, i'll be back to write more this sunday
peace&love

feeling better/weekend update

so i've really been tryin to get myself back on track. and i must say that its hard. i mean yeah i'm going to work and talkin to friends with a smile on my face and i have my moments of where i feel fine and then i have moments like today when i feel bad. idk i'm just tired of feeling sad. but i did go out this weekend to take my mind off things and this is what i did.....


friday night i went to my big sister Ari birthday party/gathering. it was really nice. we went to this place called molly's and had some drinks and they played some good music too. my sister has some really cool friends. i really enjoyed myself. in fact i had too much fun and ended up having a hangover the next morning. which brings me to my next topic...i've given up drinking alcohol. like sometimes i feel like i can't have "fun" unless i'm drunk and thats not the case. i shouldn't feel that way. so i'm done. i also feel like i use it to "get away" from my issues sometimes. when i woke up it was like they all just came and hit me and i thought to myself whats the point in drinking like that. i'm destroying my body for what? a good laugh? no more. i'm done.

so saturday night i went to my friends house for a pool party and it was cool. we bbq'd and had some music playin and a few girls came by. we had fun. they had some drinks but i declined and i still enjoyed myself. i was even more impressed at the fact that i got IN the water. i don't swim at all. i couldn't tell u guys the last time i got in a pool period. it had to have been at least 5 years maybe longer.lol but it was cool tho. i had fun. today i went to church and went out to eat with my family afterward. i called my father for father's day too. sometimes i get upset at the fact that i didn't always have that good father/son relationship with my dad. there were years that went by when i wouldn't hear from him or see him when i was younger and i would get so mad and upset. i just didn't count on him for anything. and then there were times when i would get excited and i would get disappointed. it wasn't until a few years ago that i forgave him for that. but it still upsets me tho. i think that might be part of the reason for anger that i have brewing.idk...

overall i had a decent weekend. nothing too major but it was still good to get out of the house and take my mind off of things. this is a big week for me as well too. i might be getting some good news finally regarding my job so keep your fingers crossed for me.

peace&love

low

i have these feelings.....

these deep down feelings that i have never really addressed. built up anger that makes me so mad to the point where i feel like i have to cry. but i don't cry. i don't shed a tear. thats too easy. instead i let it dig deep into my inner feelings and i let it build....slowly....slowly....until it gets to the point to where years later, it comes back and shows itself and then i get these "highs and lows" mood swings. being depressed is something that i've seen other people go through, but not have i ever dealt with the feelings on a personal level. i thought that i was depressed when my ex and i broke up, but i think it was just heart break, because now i feel nothing. no emotion for certain things. i don't care. i feel anger and that's it. where is this coming from u ask? i have NO IDEA. all i can do is try to get better. i've cut myself off from twitter and fb and anything else that can prevent me from getting better. i don't want to hear from people that are trying to "make me feel better". those people can do NOTHING for me but make me more upset by their phoniness. anyways, that's all i have to say about this. i might write during this process, i might not. not sure. maybe i just need a long break from everything.

not sure about this

whenever i feel like something good is about to happened reality comes and slaps me in the face. this past weekend was nice. i enjoyed myself. but i think i jumped the gun on the situation. i was thinking that by her visiting would help us get closer and help us get on the path to becoming relationship ready. well to my surprise, it did everything but THAT. sometimes i think that people confuse their feelings and emotions with feelings from the past. u have to be ready to let go of things in order to move on. my friend hadn't. she's not at that point in her life where she can. and there is nothing wrong with that. i wish her the best the luck. i know that she had fun this weekend and that she will never forget it. neither will i. so here i am again. back at square one. but i'm not sad tho. i'm actually proud of myself for handling this the way that i have. the old me would have said some things that were hurtful but that wouldn't solve anything. Maturity #getsome

peace&love

7 days later

hey everyone its FRIDAY!

i feel like this was the longest week of my life. i've been busy trying to get myself back on track and just trying to get my life in order. things are better between my cousin and myself. we had a talk and worked everything out. Prayer really does work folks. i really say that enough. i think my friend is going to let me use one of her cars until i can save up enough money to get a new one. i really am thankful for my friends in my life. they have really been supportive throughout all this. i don't know what i would have done without them. and for the icing on the cake, my friend is coming to town this weekend to visit. hopefully the weather will hold out and we can have a nice weekend. things are starting to turn around for the better. that's all for now. glad to finally have a smile on face. this has been a tough week for me

peace&love

what a day

so right now, things in my life just made a complete 180. i feel like i moved 8 steps backwards and i am in the same boat i was in back in oct/nov of 2009. my cousin and i aren't on good terms and he wants to move out. it really says a lot to me that when things happen, and people attitudes change. but if i'm right about why he wants to move out, then that means he just doesn't care. my truck was stolen from my house a few nights ago. no one saw or heard a thing. police haven't seen anything or heard anything. so not only am i car-less, but my cousin wants to move out. when it rains it pours huh......

My bad lol

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!


man u guys i can't lie, i've been purposely holding back from writing because i was hoping to come back with some great news regarding my personal life, a new job, relocation blah blah blah, but i've got nothing new to bring you guys lol well i mean i do but not what i wanted to say. the job that i applied for, i didn't get. i was really down about it to because it was a great opportunity for me to grow and become more successful *NOT TO MENTION THAT I WOULD BE GETTING OUT OF MEMPHIS* but hey it just wasn't meant to be. my birthday was cool. went out with some friends. it was cool. i was a little disappointed that i didn't hear from or see certain people, but hey it is what it is. i got EVERYTHING that i asked for except the fitted yankee hat. i got like 16 boxes of mike and ike's lol i every box too #dontjudgeme lol i got a few movies and blu-ray dvds and i got season 7 of seinfeld too. so it was an overall good birthday.

let's see what else.....

oh! my social life......o_O

I started seeing this girl right around my birthday and it was cool. we went out on a few dates talked on the phone or whatever, but we just didn't have that connection, so we stopped talking shortly after. i wasn't upset about it honestly. there's no love lost between us so when i see her it's not bad vibes or anything. shortly after i her, i started talkin to someone else, but it started off being just friendly stuff. no real flirting or anything just kept it cool. then one night we stayed up and talked and things just.....changed. i think that when i meet girls that are out of the of a "memphis girl" i get excited and i start jumping the gun. long story short i had a 500 days of summer moment, but in reality it was more like a month, but not with all the emotions and feeling that occurred in the movie. some of the emotions though. you guys get what i'm trying to say lol but i got really excited because i met someone that i liked and liked me back, but she just wasn't ready. i kept saying to myself to just give her time and she will come around, but due to certain circumstances she never did. it hurt. it hurt bad because i knew better. but hey, thats life sometimes. so its back to square one for the kid...ALONE........ sometimes i wonder when my day will come, but then i get sad because i don't see it happening anytime soon, so i no longer wonder...

i have to admit that i have jumped ships and started a tumblr account. i kinda like it better because i can just say what i'm thinking RIGHT then and not have to go through the process of blogging. its like blogging on the go actually. but i'm not going anywhere. i haven't forgotten my roots lol so i will begin writing more as well. hey, i don't have anything but time now right :-/ that's all for now.....

peace&love

Bday coming soon!!!

whats good everyone!

shout out to my new blog followers, i dig all of you all's blogs and i will be commenting on your future posts, so feel free to do the same here. mi blogga su blogga or something like that lol

*side note* found some old janelle monae music online tonight and i'm liking it. if only i could date her. then my life would be complete lol

i don't think i've expressed it to you all, i know i did on twitter, but i've decided to grow my hair out a little and to let my beard grow out fuller. i had a full beard for months now and i cut it off a few weeks ago *biggest mistake* and now i want it back. i never grew my hair and beard at the same time so i'm gonna do it! besides, when i get married i know my wife ain't going for me having these different hair styles so i might as well get them out of my system now lol i can see her face now lookin like the mom from everybody hates chris sayin "negro, get your ass to the barber shop!" hahahahahaha oh yeah the workouts are going well too. my body is almost looking the way i want it to. working on your abs is the hardest part. its the most painful part of the workout. one of my buddies is real muscular and he helps me with different workouts to do. i don't know how he does it sometimes. that ish hurt too bad!!! lol

i applied to the new position at work and i'm really nervous about it. if i get this position its going to change a lot of things in my life for the better. i know that i'm perfect for the job, but its just a matter of "the powers that be" deciding if they should take a chance on me. i just need to get them in the room for the interview and i will take it from there. my personality and will power will take it from there. *random thought* someone told me i was stuck up the other day. clearly they don't know me. but i digress.......

my birthday is in ONE WEEK!!!! I'm really excited. so i made a list of things that i want for my birthday but i don't think that i'm going to get any of them for gifts, well maybe two but here's the list: yankee fitted hat, avatar on bluray, gift certificate to Express and mike and ike's green box candy. i'll let u guys decide what u think i will get lol but thats not too much to ask for right??? i mean its not like i said i want a pair of gucci slippers with the belt to match*although if anyone wants to get them for me, feel free lol* but i'm going to have a birthday dinner next wednesday at this mexican restaurant to celebrate and i can't wait. it's been a while since i really celebrated my birthday. the only thing that i'm concerned about is my different friends "meshing" together. i have a very.......wide variety lol of friends and idk how they are going to get along. i mean they may not even talk. they may just stay grouped up and talk to the people they know. who knows??? i mean its my birthday. i just want everyone to get along, have fun and have drinks. speaking of my birthday.....nah that's ok. i'll keep that to myself. lol it was a random, yet pointless thought. lol

peace&love

weekend update

i'm a little annoyed at the moment for whatever reason. But writing always makes me feel better. And thats just what i'm gonna do.....and listen to 808's and Heartbreaks

my weekend was a cool. a little crazy, but it was cool. on friday i went to this party at a friends house and i had a good time. a lot of people showed up so that was cool. i met yet another of my ex's friends. it was very awkward. it was one of those meetings like "aren't you...." but i really didnt let it bother me. i did however want to say something but i wasn't in the right mind to do so, so the next time i will speak my peace.......but back to the party......there was a fight. two girls. it was dumb. but here's the funny part. me and my homie are outside chillin with some girls and out of the blue someone runs to the door and shouts "COOKOO COOKOO" and the girls that were outside instantly knew what she was talking about. my thing was how the hell did they come up with this sound and decide on making it THE "sound". i would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that meeting lol but the girls ran inside to go find out who was fighting. come to find out it was about some nonsense that has been brewing all day from campus, but i dont really know more about it, nor do i care about that stuff.

there was something else that happened that night that really upset me, but i don't want to get into full details on it, but i will say this. there comes a time in your life when u have to realize that your actions speak louder than your words. u just have to grow up and some of my friends need to do that. i put myself in that box too. not as much as he needs to, but u guys get my point.

saturday i worked and today i didn't really do anything. Baxter and I went riding for a bit before the rain started and that was it. My birthday is coming up in 10 days and i'm really excited!!!! i've been thinking about what i want to do for it and i will tell u all later in the week and i will use you all's opinion and votes as well.....thats all for now. until next time

peace&love

i'm ready......

I've been having this..........feeling....... for a few weeks now. but I've been fighting it. I've denied it. But it keeps showing itself to me whether its been in my dreams or just in my everyday thoughts. i told myself that maybe it was just because of the music i listen to or maybe because i'm at the house alone.....that's not it either. the fact remains.........I'm ready to be in a relationship. I'm ready to give myself to someone and enjoy all the benefits of being with her.


I've enjoyed the past 3 1/2 months of "dating" and meeting new people. some were better than others. some were a complete waste of my time. But each one of them made me realize what I NEED, not what i want. And although, i can't possible get EVERYTHING that i want from one woman, i DO know that the important things are definitely attainable. Some of the girls that i have met, could have been a girl that i could have been in a relationship with, but it was just bad timing. I've had fun at the clubs and going out every weekend, getting drunk with the fellas, but i'm ready to just chill with that special one. i want us to go places in Memphis that we normally wouldn't think to go. I've found a few places in the mid town/ downtown area that look exciting to go to, but I'm not go to these places alone and look like a spaz lol i don't think i took advantage of that in my former relationship. Sure we had times when we just chilled but i don't remember us just enjoying each others company like we should have. there were times when we'd spend the entire day together, but we still argued for the majority of the day, and then we'd make up and for the last hour or so we'd be together, we would be cool again. Definitely not doing that again lol i really did learn a lot about myself looking back at my previous relationship. i did a lot of good but more bad than good. its all apart of growing up though.


Now, I'm not saying that I'm about to just jump into a relationship with the next girl i meet, because that would be stupid. lol i AM however going to focus more on the things i need from a woman instead of the want, because the "want" has been winning a lot lately and its time for a change.

issues resolved

a few entries ago i wrote about having issues with being "friends" with my ex girlfriends friends. and i have decided on not to say anthing. my ex hit me up and we talked about it. but she didn't exactly get into her opinion on it, but she thought that it would be best if i expressed how i felt to them. but honestly, i'm not really concerned about them.i dont see/speak to them enough to care. speaking on my ex, last sunday she sent me a text that really meant a lot to me. for the longest now, i've felt a certain way about how things ended between her and myself and it was nice to hear her say what i thought she didn't feel. i dont really want to get into what was said, but it was needed for me to completely move on. because honestly, when u have a brake up and it wasn't on good terms, there are things that need to be said, for both sides to feel............closure.maybe not both sides because i can only speak for myself. don't get me wrong, i HAVE moved on, but there was a small portion of me that needed to hear that to be 100%.......idk. i think i'm rambling now. smh

as for amy giveaway

hey everyone!!!

for all of my followers, check out my fellow blogger amy's give away! http://asforamy.blogspot.com/2010/04/giveaway-made-simple.html
but don't enter to win because i want to win hahahahahaha jk jk, but more importantly, check out her blog. its pretty dope.

hope you guys are having a great weekend!

weekend update, single ladies

hey everyone!!!


i have been sick the past couple days so i haven't been able to update u all on what has been going on. i'm feeling better but i'm not 100% i'm probably at 65% i guess. i feel well enough to go to class today but i'm probably not gonna go to work today. i have some pto left so i'll use one of those days. but anywho, let me get u all caught up.....


this weekend was fun. i went out friday and saturday night. friday i went to happy mexican and had some drinks with some new friends. i had a great time. i never had a margarita from there before and i've heard that they are pretty strong, but i always figured people got drunk because of the size of the drinks.....WRONG. i drank a beer with my meal and decided to order one after i ate. folks, when i say it tasted like a bowl of tequila i'm not kidding. so i downed my bowl, and we all went to this house party. well before we left the restaurant, this young lady and myself were feeling each other a little bit and after the liquor settled in we really became close. so we get to the party and she and i are talkin dancin a bit, laughin, flirting. well the party ends and we decide to exchange numbers. well, i take her number down and i put her name in my phone and she says "wait. thats not my name." i was like "yes it is." the entire night folks, i swear she told me her name was jasmine. after a back and forth battle for 2min she finally tells me her name....it was jessica. #o_O So the next morning i wake up and i look to her name and send her a text, how bout i only took down 6 numbers. clearly this isn't meant to be. her friend gave me the number again, but at this point its almost like whats the point. she hadn't called me at all, so i mean i'm not trippin. its not like when i see her again i'm gonna have this mean attitude. but i just thought that it was funny, because A)i'm not big on gettin anyones number while drunk B)well there isn't a B. LOL but naturally i am terrible with remembering peoples names, thats why a majority of my friends have nicknames. besides my home boy told me that she smashed the homies anyways so whatever.....on to the next lol


on twitter lately, there's been this craze to talk about relationships and how there aren't any good men/women out there. i saw a documentary on black women and how they said that 42% of black women have NEVER been married. thats RIDICULOUS!!!! there are 1.8 million more black women then men. so i know that there is definitely one out there for me lol, but here's the conflict, people have to realize that the "stanards" that they have aren't real standards. like a man can't eat pork or he can't drink or smoke or he can't under 6ft tall. dumb ish like that will make u the 43rd%. i used to say that i would never date a girl that wore weave. my ex wore it(still laughing at that wig lol) i said i would never date a girl that had a child. in todays society, the odds of finding someone that doesn't have a kid isn't rare, but they are hard to come by. thing i look for in a woman are things like education level, relationship with God, her family, her moral values is what i'm gettin at. u can't have this laundry list of random things that u know you will never find in a person. i still don't prefer a woman that wears a weave, but if she does it has to look real. i'm not dating someone that has a weave like nikki manaj. i think if we just sat down and thought about it we would find the one for us.

also if u still out here sleeping around with every tom, dick and harry, what makes u think you can find a good man? i know this girl that prefers to sleep with a certain frat and she has slept with this one guy and his fraternity brothers for about a year now and she runs off at the mouth that "niggas aint shit". no ma'am YOU aint ish. keep your legs closed. i have a home boy, he says he's going to settle down and be with one girl, but every time i look up, he in some broad face "spittin game". at what age do u you realize that that shit is for the birds. yeah being single has its down times, but i'd much rather be alone than to be know as the guy thats sleeps with every girl he meets. and women know when a guy is easy. they talk just like men talk about women. u may think that u playin them, but the girl will have the last laugh homie. cuz they laughin at you everytime u come around.

but anywho, thats all i have for now. i have another post i have to post but i'll do it this afternoon.

peace&love

song of the day

so like i said last night i was going to post an old school song of the day so here it is! ENJOY! have a great weekend folks. be safe and God Bless

attitude and wasting my "time"

i haven't blogged in a few days because i've been battling this......attitude....but not like a bad attitude. its more like a "should a care attitude". as u all know i've become close with 2 of my ex's bestfriends. i really wouldn't say close either. i'm cool (yeah thats the word) with them. but one of them, kinda has this way about her that bothers me sometimes. its like sometimes she's real friendly and then there are times when she's distant. my homeboy, who is VERY close with them, tells me about conversations that they have had about me in the past and they have said things about me, but its only things that my ex has told them, but everything that she has said about me, isn't true. But with them being her friend, the are obviously going to be on her side. that's not the issue tho. my problem is i wish that they would either let it go or don't come around. i mean, they don't have to talk to me or come around when i'm there. i mean, don't get me wrong, i actually enjoy them. they are really cool girls. they keep me laughing. but i want them to accept me and just be cool ya know. i mean if u don't like me, why add me on twitter and talk to me? i remember my ex saying somethings about them and my homeboy he's told me things that confirms the things that she has said, but i don't look at them any differently. i just wish that they would do it too. i really feel like sitting them down and just getting everything out in the air so we can get to the root of it. but at the same time i feel like sayin eff'it and just not care about it.


u ever feel like you're time is being wasted because its not being used?? lol well thats how i feel. the past few days, i've been feeling "some kinda way" but not in the way. i feel like i shouldn't be at my house alone at 1am typing a blog. lol i feel like i should be spending my time with someone that i care about. being single just has its moments i guess. this must be one of them. #ejshrug

btw my twitter name is @EJ_theKid follow me.

well thats all i have for now. gettin a little sleepy and i need to get up for class in the morning. i'll try to post a song of the day tomorrow too. its an old school song. i heard it today on my way to work and i sang every word. i'll give u guys a hint: uni brow lol

peace&love

Easter and the weekend update

hey everyone!!! Happy Easter to you all!!

did you guys eat well? i know i did! i'm still stuffed lol i have a few things to discuss tonight so lets get into it shall we.....

after i posted my previous entry, i felt a lot better. my attitude is much improved. in fact the dreams have stopped, but the sleep is still an issue. but i may see a specialist about it. i've tried everything else so i might as well give it a try right??? i started working out last week too. i'm tryin to gain 10 pounds by june. i know what u guys are thinking, but i really have a hard time gaining weight. my 11 yr old cousin weighs more than i do and he eats the same amount of food i eat. lol this week i'm going to GNC to get some protein bars to help me keep the weight on. i've only been workin out for a few days, but i can already see a small improvement in my physique. all i need to work on my is my abs. those are the hardest things to get. no wonder people come out with those lazy ab builders so that they don't have to actually work for them. but i am focused and i am ready to walk around without a shirt on and so i can hit em with the flex while lookin at my watch while i tell someone the time hahahahahahaha jk jk.

this weekend i really didn't do much. i went to a birthday dinner at PF Chang's on friday night and afterward we kinda hung out for a bit and then i went to walmart to purchase some things. saturday night i went to Huey's to watch my Blue Devils win! one more game and we will become NCAA Champions!! after that i came home and watched a movie. i wanted to go see clash of the titans and the tyler perry movie, but i knew that the theaters where going to be too crowded, so i will go Wednesday afternoon after class.

my ex came by my job friday night. we talked for a few. it was cool. it was kinda weird seein her after havin all the dreams i had about her. we also talked later on that night when i got off. i enjoyed the convo we had.i'll admit i probably enjoyed it a little more than i should, but again, like i said last week, she and i always have good conversations. i had a few concerns about it though, BUT after thinking on it and talking to the big homie and another friend about it, i came to the conclusion that what i was bothered with was really nothing. i already felt that i was thinking too much on it, but i just wanted to discuss it with them to make sure that i wasn't crazy. sometimes its good to just think and listen before you actually do something. i find myself thinking more rather than reacting as of late. i really feel myself growing with each day that passes and i feel closer to the day that i meet someone that's going to fill that void i'm missing. but for now, i'm 100% comfortable in the shoes that i'm in.

thats all i have for now. hope you all have a great day! i was watching notorious while i wrote this and this song was in the movie and i immediately remembered when this song came out when i was a kid. had no idea it was about biggie back then. do u remember?? lol

PEACE&LOVE

the funk N dreams

i've been in this funk for the past three days and i can't shake it. i've also been having these dreams about an ex of mine and me pledging a fraternity. i'll get to the dreams later. but this funk........

it comes and it goes. i'm not mad all day or at everyone. i'm only mad at certain people, but i'm mad at them for sayin dumb stuff on twitter or if they send me a text message and i'm like "you can't be that dumb". i think sometimes i'm judgmental, but not in a way that i think that i'm better than you are. sometimes i give people too much credit than they deserve. as bad as it sounds, i shouldn't give people so much credit. like i should let them be on that lower level that they allow themselves to be on. its like i want to reach out to them and say "wake up!! you're makin yourself sound like an uneducated moron." i just want to shake this funk and be my regular self again.

as for my dreams.......for those that don't know, i entertained pledging for 2, maybe 2 and a half years. i was in it TOUGH! everything that u could think go wrong happened. i enjoyed the experience but i wish the results would have been different. about 3 weeks ago, one of my "big brothers" approached me and said "what up frat?" i looked around like who was he talkin to?? he and i talked and he said he always viewed me as his frat and thats how he refers to me when talkin to other people. he's not the first person to say that. a few other guys say that and i mean its cool, but its not true. if it were i'd be able to wear the letters and chant and go to meetings and do the other stuff that goes along with being in a fraternity. but back to the dream. in my dreams i'm doing all these things i listed and fellowshipping with the guys, but in the dreams, i don't see any neos. only the old heads are there and we are in a huge gym sitting around. i remember a few years ago when i was involved we used to just all hang out and chill. today however, not so much. in fact i don't hear from them at all, with the exception of 2. which is fine i don't have a problem with it, but the dreams are weird and its not like i'm entertaining the idea of pledging again. not undergrad for that matter.

then there's the dreams about my ex. but my sister explained it to me last night, so i can break it down to you all lol....the dreams.... each dream is different. one dream will be about her and i talkin and laughing. the next dream will be us walking around or just enjoying each others company. then there's the dream when she's in the dream, but NOT actually in the dream. like i see her around in the dream. she has nothing to do with it, but she's in the area. crazy right??!?!?!?! well we all know i don't want to be in relationship with her anything close to that area, but my sis broke it down in way that i just felt like i needed to do a back flip because she hit the nail on the coffin. she said that the dream represents me wanting to find someone that i relate to on that level. that area in my life, i'm lacking it. i don't necessarily need her or want her, i just miss that. and i do. i miss having someone to just talk to. my ex and i, always had fun conversations. i don't want a relationship right now. i really don't want to date either. i just want to have THAT person i can talk to just hang out and have inside jokes with. which brings me back to the funk that i'm in. i think, no i know, that this is the reason for the funk. Fudge my life

song of the day

hey there everyone!

i don't really have much to say today. i have a lot on my mind but nothing that's bad. just life really. making sure i stay on the right path. but anywho, so here is a video. i had my itunes on shuffle and this song came on. hope u guys like it.

the wake up call

So I originally wanted this post to be about my trip to Chicago, but I feel like I have to get this off my chest. If this blog jumps, its because there is so much on my mind/chest that needs to be expressed

*disclaimer* this isn’t about anyone in particular that is in my life. its just about things in general.....


Today I read, the big homie’s blog and there was something he said in it that hit me directly in the face. He said something about giving people the time that don’t deserve it. For the longest, I’ve been feeling like I have been wasting my time, but I didn’t want to really admit it……until today. No longer am I going to waste my time with people that shouldn’t have my attention. Yeah its cool to get some attention every now and then, but it comes a time in our lives when we say enough is enough. I’ve heard enough of the “I miss you” and “when am I gonna see you again” non sense texts. I’m not an arrogant person in the least bit, but these people aren’t on my level. I mean if you want to see me, you’ll make time for it. This is how you can tell when a person is with the shit. They always have an excuse about why they couldn’t come see you or why they had to cancel meeting up. This is ALSO a key sign that this person shouldn’t be around. It’s just accepting the truth. They don’t need to be around so let them go. Trust me. Its not as bad you u think it might be. Yeah my phone doesn’t ring and I average maybe 5 texts a day. But in the long run, it will all be worth it. My ex used to always say that I kept people that shouldn’t be around stay around too much. At the time I didn’t see anything wrong with it because I wasn’t really talkin to them, but now that I’m single, I see why I should get rid of them. It even goes for friendships. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but they always find ways to disappoint. Again this isn’t about anyone in my close circle, im just sayin in general. We all know someone like this.

Also I have to get this off my chest too. on twitter; ladies, ladies ladies. Please STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE ON TWITTER!!!!! We know you fuckin. You don’t have to blast it and then turn around 5min later talkin about how you want a good man. Really? I mean really? #cmonson what guy is going to take u seriously. I know a girl that tells a guy that she likes to have sex a lot on her first date with them. We are grown as hell!! Don’t know real man want a woman like that. Then you wonder why no one takes you seriously. Cuz you let him hit on the first night!! This ain’t no movie ma! This is real life!!! This is the one that kills me though, @____ I’m sooo horny *next tweet* @_____ I gotta get some *ick asap!! *Next tweet* damn I wish I had a boyfriend that I could lay with right now. I don’t know why I can’t find a guy #fml…… REALLY(EXCUSE MY FRENCH) SKEEO???? (I don’t want to say the b word) REALLY??? No guy wants to be with a woman like that. I mean you can casual sex if you want, but a) please be safe and use protection. B) don’t blast that ish on the internet. If you meet someone u like, make him think that he just got “lucky”. BUT, let me make this clear too, guys talk too ladies, so don’t think u get sleep with one and the other not find out. Hate to burst you alls bubbles #donthateme #ejshrug

So where do you stand now is the question you ask? I stand single and I’m satisfied with it. I’m happy. Not looking or expecting anything from anyone. Not looking for anyone or anyone’s relationship. I don’t need time to “find myself” because I’ve already done that. I know what I want and I’m not settling for the everyday pointless games anymore. So keep the scrabble and taboo board games at the house.........This kid is grown.

peace&love

Weekend update on the Plane ride to Chicago

Whats up everyone! How was your weekend? I had a great weekend!

(this post was supposed to be posted last week before I left for Chicago. The Chicago post will come later on tonight.)


So as you all already know I went to the Grizzlies game against the New York Knicks. My home team!!! Of course the Knicks lost lol but the experience at the game was unforgettable. We had great seats! Almost court side behind the players bench. I sat next to these guys from new york that really made me being at home. They were lost and obnoxious. Just the way we like to be at games. But it wasn’t like they were saying things that weren’t ok to say at a game. This guy that sat near us offered one of the guys a beer if he shut up. Lol but it’s a basketball game. Not a tennis match. Who wants to sit at a game and not say ANYTHING?!?!?!?!?!? Not me. Eventually the people around us started laughing and ended up having a great time. But this one old lady cursed them out. It was classic. Nothing like new york fans. As the game ended, my friend told me to come down to the players bench. So I went down there and he was like we bout to meet the team. And I’m yeah ok, lol and we said no seriously. I got us some passes. I got to meet Tracy McGrady, Al Harrington, David Lee, Chis Duhon, and a few other players. I got their autographs and I was able to talk to them too! They are all pretty cool guys. Especially David; if he wasn’t an NBA player I oculd see myself being friends with him. He literally sat down where we were and talked to everyone. I even got to see NBA groupies. Lol They were…….well lets just say they were there lol I met one of the Knicks girlfriends too. Nice girl Down to earth. It was cool being able to just be around them. It opened up a whole different world that most of us will never experience. And what really made me feel good was the fact that they aren’t THAT much bigger than I am. Yeah they were tall, but very slim. I don’t feel so bad about being small lol


Saturday night I went to my usual spot and hung out with my boys and our official sister . I must say that I enjoy every Saturday night with them. We are like brothers. A few months ago I couldn’t say that. But we have grown closer to the point to where we all talk at least once a day. And we all get along. Sure we all have our days, but its never to the point where we want to fight each other anything. We don’t talk about each other anything. A few people came towards the end of the night I talked to them and then I left and went home. So I had a pretty nice weekend. I’m on the plane now so I will hit you all up when I land! CHI-TOWN HERE I COME!!!!

its almost that time!

don't really have anything to say right now, but by the end of the day i'm sure i will. i'm off today and i don't plan on going anywhere until this evening when i go by my moms house to see my sister before she leaves. Chicago is almost here! i can't wait til i leave. i think this post is just going to be the song of the day post and since i'm a Peppers mood here's a good song....oh and don't judge me for the lyrics either lol i couldn't find a video without them lol

peace&love

just another day

so this break has been really relaxing. i decided to take a break from twitter. i've probably tweeted 12 times in the past 3 days. sometimes it gets overwhelming and i just don't feel like being bothered by some of my followers. some of my followers are so shady. its like i don't even know you, but i can tell you only come around when u want something. but the crazy part about that, i entertain it. so whenever i do come back to twitter full time(that sounds so funny to me)i will be making another cut.

here's a fun fact, i found out this girl i met and briefly talked to this past christmas break was dating one of my homeboys at the same time *pause* we were BOTH told the same lies; which in result caused us to realize she was crazy at the same time and stopped talkin to her. its funny how the world turns lol this further lets me know that dating is not for me right now.isn't life grand!!! lol

so i thought about ending my hiphop fast the other day. yesterday i listened to biggie ALL day and i must say i miss hiphop. true hiphop. so i turned on the radio to see if there was any new music that i was missing out on and if i needed to end the fast. i skimmed thru the stations....same shit lol i finally heard this one song that i keep hearing people talk about. i listened to probably 20sec of the song and i didn't know if i should throw myself or the radio out the window. the song is that gucci mane song about yellow stuff. in one line he says and i quote "lemon peppered wings and a freeze cup" seriously??????????? if this is what i'll be subjecting myself to if i stop the fast, then i'd be pretty dumb for ending it. although i'm working making a mix from my itunes of nothing but artists that i like. the only problem is, i don't have one of those radios that connect to my ipod in my truck so i'm gonna have to buy one of those radio kit things for my SUV. but i really do miss hearing good rap music tho. when i go to clubs, they play that fast beat techno music so i still don't hear good rap lol the story of my life.

well thats all i have for now. i need to feed my dog and get ready for work. oh btw, anyone that wants to doggy-sit for me next week while i'm in chicago, let me know. he's not a bad dog and he's fun! so let me know please! lol

peace&love

RIP BIGGIE

today marks the 13 anniversary of Christoper Wallace's death. i remember where i was when i heard the sad news. seems like it was just yesterday. here is a video of my favorite biggie song. well, its one of many. this song is so universal. u don't have to be from the hood to relate to the lyrics. enjoy everyone.....

peace and love

weekend wrap up, exthoughts, dating

wassup everyone! how was your weekend?

first i want to say thank you to everyone that commented and tweeted me on my 100th post. again i thank EVRYONE that has helped my growth. and shoutout to my new blog followers. feel free to comment and say whatever you want! this is an open community lol so with that said, lets get into things!......

i had a great weekend! i chilled with my friends saw a movie (that i'm gonna have to see again because i fell asleep on it lol) and i relaxed briefly as well. i also bumped into my FIRST girlfriend this weekend. we ended up talkin longer than i thought that night and i wasn't able to go bowling grrrrrr lol but it was fun catching up with her and i wish her the best...... i have a least 4 blogs that i haven't posted yet. i've been thinkin about some things in my life and i want to change them, but i don't think i need to post what i've written. sometimes its good to just do things without actually sayin it.

the other night my ex called me and we talked without arguing.....*pause*...... everyone that has had something to say about me talkin to her, well, i really don't care what u think honestly. it was a phone call. i have been having dreams about her prior to the call and i had 2 more after the conversation. they weren't bad dreams or dreams that were nasty, they were just dreams. although one of them, was about us "talking". it was kinda like a continuation from a dream i had a long time ago. but the thought of her and i gettin back together has NEVER came across my mind on a conscious level. some people say why are u even talkin to her or you're gonna let her start stuff with you again. and to you all i again say #o_O AND I'M A GROWN ASS MAN! i can do what i want. like i said a long time ago, a friendship with her wouldn't be that bad. it just would be something that progresses with time. i'm happy where i am and so is she. you can't hold grudges forever people. don't get bitter, get better...

speaking of being happy, i'm thinkin about taking a break from "dating" i don't want to be bothered with it right now. granted if the right one comes along we'll discuss things, but for now, i have YET to meet anyone thats worth more than a hello/goodbye conversation. i want to start focusing on bigger and better things for my life. after i graduate i want to travel. i want to just pack a bag or 2, hop on a plane and fly to london, greece, and the rest of europe. i'm going to 25 in less than 2 months and before i start "settling down" there are things that i want to do and see. and until that time comes, i'm thinking about not having sex again. granted i've had sex with 2 women this year, but i'm bored with it. i hate having sex with someone and not having a feeling afterward. not saying i wanna spoon all night, but i just want it to mean something. my emotions are all over the place today for some reason lol but anywho, thats where i stand on sex, relationships, and everything else.

oh and i'll prolly end my hiphop fast in the next few weeks or so. i think all this r&b is starting to get to me lol but if you all have any suggestions about music or artist that i should listen to, feel free to let me know. so thats all i have to say for now, bout to get ready and head to work in a bit. i may post something else tonight i don't have ish else to do.

peace and love ya'll

THANK YOU!!!! 100

100!!!!!!!!!!


So this is my 100th post. i'm going to dedicate this post to everyone that has helped this blog get to the point where it is. this is my 3rd blog. the first two had a lot of lies, drama, and heartache. although this blog had heartache, it has also shown my growth from that point. so without further ado, here it goes!!!

there was a point in my life when i was very depressed. i had a very bad break up, as u all already know. i didn't know what to do. i wanted to write, i couldn't i wanted to express myself, i didn't know how. i wanted someone to feel my anger, but i couldn't find anyone to punch. in the end i had to do it on my own. i had to find myself. it gets very lonely at the bottom, BUT thank God i know how to climb. those days are long gone. i'm happy. i don't have those thoughts anymore. i don't feel alone. and what helped me get past that the most was you all....

MY TWEEPLES....... i don't know how we even became friends and who started following who first, but whomever it was thank you. you guys took me in your wolf pack and it grew by one hahahahahaha :Ari, Brandy *its BRANDY,like the drink*(remember that? hahaha) kimmie, TK, and Big Homie. you guys have helped me grow and view life in a whole different view. you all are truly my family. when i was ranting about things on twitter each one of you pulled me to the side told me what i needed to hear, not what i wanted to hear and i thank you all sooooo much for that. Ari thanks for not going off that one night *you know what i'm talkin about* who knew then what we know now lol thank you so much for helping me get out the shell i was in for so long.TK, I still owe you them pancakes lol Big homie, i really can't express in words how much you have helped me grow. you are the big brother i never had. thank you for the advice, the music, and just for being there when others weren't. *BOW WOW WOW* thats classic.

my new friends tifani, tomorro, cre-cre, you all are my sisters. i love you all. Keishia we been cool since high school. feels good to be close again. *AND IT KILLS ME!!* my girl Melzie C, thank you for everything. your writings helped me as well. i'm gonna write a poem for you one of these days lol

my brothers from another, spida, fresh, squire, you guys have been my homies for years. we haven't always been close, but now more then ever i feel like we all have grown from where we were 3yrs ago. lets keep growing fam.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MY BLOG FOLLOWERS.....

THANK YOU!!!!! thank you for your comments and your advice. i love you all!!


to everyone else thank you. if i didn't name you, its not because you don't mean anything to me, but these are the people that have been there the most for me and i feel like i owe this post to them. please don't be upset.

alright everyone, thats my time. again thank you!!!

peace and love

its friday 1 more till the big 100

well folks its the weekend and i have to admit its been overall a great week. things have been going really well for me lately and i don't know if its because i've chosen to elimate certain things OR if its just my time to be happy. either way, its been a great week. i just finished KILLING my debate in class this morning so i'm feelin like the homie Kanye, you can't tell NOTHING! UH-UH! LOL the girl that i was suppose to team with didn't do a single thing, but its all good because i did what i was suppose to do. i had to debate on whether prayer should be in public schools. now normally i would be for it but because of the side that i was on, i had to be against it. the team that we, i mean I, was up against got SOOOO mad that she didn't want to recognize my question. my side NEVER wins the debates in class, but today we won. i never really thought that i was good at public speaking. even today people after class people were saying good job and whatnot, but if they only knew how nervous i was. my whole left arm was shaking lol i think it was because of this darn rap fast, had i been able to listen to something that would have hyped me up i woulda been fine. jk jk jk but overall it was cool. might start speaking more often so i can get rid of these jitters lol


so this is blog #99 which means the big 100 is here. i'm gonna try to have it posted and ready by monday morning for you all to read it, but i have inventory this sunday night( i know right, who does that #o_O) so i may not be able to post it until monday night. either way, its coming(thats what she said)

so with that said, have a great weekend folks!!! oh, if any of you all are on twitter hit me up and i'll add you. i've added a couple of you all already. i must say i love ALL of my blog followers and my tweeples! stay up folks

peace&love

nothing major

hey guys nothing really new to talk about today. everything is everything. i finally got my coffee maker at target so that should save me MAJOR bucks instead of giving it to starbucks damn near everyday. filing my taxes at some point today so i'm lookin forward to the money. i have to pay to get them done this year. last year my ex did them for me for free on some website but i can't remember where she did them. good look with that right??? lol but i'm going to use some of it for my ticket to the essence music festival. i'm ubber-excited about it. lol Jill Scott is back and i don't think i told u all but i'm in love with that woman. she's my favorite sing and in my top 5 of all time.


OH! wait i forgot to tell u all, i might be going to a really random, yet "adult" place this weekend. i don't want to say because it might spoil the fun. but it's not the strip club. lol hahahahahahahahaha i can't believe i'm going there. this is going to be too funny.

i think thats it. i'm currently working on my 100th post. i really hope you all enjoy it. its going to be very very personal and i'm putting a lot of my deepest thoughts and opinions in it. so i hope it comes out as well i plan it to be.

first i want to say hello to my new followers! thank you for joining my blog. i hope you enjoy it. feel free to comment and say what you like.


now lets get into things.........

my weekend. my weekend was cool. it was really laid back. i went out with some friends saturday night to our regular spot and had a great time. i invited some old friends that i hadn't really talked to in months. not because i didn't want to, but we just hadn't talked. of those girls, i kinda dated one of them a while back. we are still friends and i can tell that she still likes me because of how she was looking at me and the text that she sent me later on that night. i think that she is a great girl but i don't think that our paths will cross like that again. we are just on different levels and i just don't see it happening. i also bumped into an old high school crush as well this saturday and we talked for about a good 30-40min at work. now mind you this is probably the only time we really talked. i even pulled the "don't i know you" line. hahahahahaha i mean hey, i didn't want to put myself out there and she didn't remember be. but she even remembered my name #fistpumpaction so we talked and joked and had a good time catching up. we exchanged numbers and i told her i would give her a call but idk if i want to call because i KNOW that she can't possibly be available. i even looked at some facebook pics to see if she was in a relationship or if she was tagged to any pics with a guy *what??? like you guys haven't done that before. don't give me that look lol* but really, it was good seein her. i also saw another friend that i hadn't seen in 7years when we worked together at champs sports. *man that was a long time ago. i'm gettin old*

the music fast is going well. although i have to admit i cheated on saturday at work. my coworker wanted me to listen to some songs and i noticed that she had some biggie on her ipod. it took me by surprise because i would have never thought of her being a biggie fan. now i took ALL of my rap off my ipod just so that i wouldn't get temped, but she left her ipod sitting on the table and said the magic words " you can listen to some music if you want" FML i fell for it. i listened to 2 songs. i felt guilty and the feeling of pleasure at the same time. #dontjudgeme but i haven't listened since but i'm going to go longer now since i see that i CAN keep going i just have to discipline myself a little better.

oh i have this video that i want to show u all. its the funniest thing i've seen in forever. enjoy the video and i wil holler at you all later. 3 more til 100!!!!

peace and love

song of the day

been feelin good all week and i think this song sums it up. hope you all have a great weekend! be back on monday! be safe out there folks i'm gettin close to my 100th post! its gonna be a good one!

weekend wrap up

so its been two weeks almost since the last time i blogged. so much has been going on in my life that it isn't even funny. no bad stuff. just everything is moving so fast for me. i got my dates for my trip with my job. i'm going to be going to chicago next month and i can't wait, plus jay-z is going to be havig a concert the same week that i'm gonna be there! so you know its gonna be a great trip! i'm gonna take a break from my hiphop fast for that one night for obvious reasons lol but i can't wait to see my god son the most!!! i miss that little guy. i was talkin to him mom today and he's gettin so big. seems like yesterday he was barely walkin lol

my valentine's day was what i expected. nothing happened. my friend that i thought i was going to spend it with, i hadn't heard from her over a week now and honsetly, i'm not upset. edward aaron doesn't have time for games. there's nothing wrong with a little chase, but when u flat out ignore me, thats when i have issues. so whatever #ontothenextone one thing that i notice about myself now is that, not very forgiving when it comes to stuff like that, because i know i'm a good catch and its their loss. plus, there are PLENTY more girls out there. honestly to be honest, i don't think she was the one for me, as much as i tried to deny it, she wasn't for me. she just wasn't..........ready. if that makes sense.

but in better news, i've been really happy lately. like today i was in such a good mood. i don't think i've been this happy in at least a year or longer. i said that 2010 was going to be the year for me and its going to be. also part of the reason that i'm in a better mood lately is because of the fact that i have been talkin to a good friend of mine almost everyday and it really has affected me in a good way. i have always been able to talk to this person about anything and vice versa and it feels good have good laughs on the regular with them again.

the music fast is going well. i'm in my 3rd week now and i've been introduced to some good music, not scratch that, GREAT music!!!! this was soooooo worth it! i think i say that at least 5 times a day lol

i think thats all i wanna write for now. i'm just really happy about life right now. you guys have a good one!
peace&love

why do i care/weekend plans and other ish

so about the other night........


i spazzed. not on twitter. or facebook. but in my blog. i went to sleep. i woke up and i felt a lot better. its really none of business about what this person does with their life. honestly, i'm more disappointed than anything, but apparently they wanted this to happen. it just reveals more lies that was told by them. good luck with that.....

now back to relevant news in my life.....

i'm really excited about this weekend. i have a birthday party/dinner i'm going to and i'm suppose to be hanging out with my friend too. i haven't seen her in a few weeks because of the weather so hopefully this rain will stop. also the superbowl is on sunday. i gotta see where the fellas wanna watch the game at. don't really care about who wins to be honest, but i hope its a good game.

i'm not sure if i told you all about my hiphop fast, but i'm not listening to ANY rap or "commercialized" r&b artists for a month; possibly longer. i'm not really feeling the music thats being blasted on the radio, tv, movies etc.. so i'm looking for new music from other genres. each week i have specific type of music. this week it's jazz. next week will probably be alternative. i'm excited about it too! i do miss my kanye and jay-z, but it'll all be worth it at the end. also i found a place to take free lessons in Arabic in memphis. I CAN'T WAIT!!! its one of my resolutions to learn a new language besides Spanish.

so i think thats it for now. hope everyone has a fun and exciting weekend. be safe out there and i will catch up with u all later

peace&love

WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?

So, i just found out something that i really shouldn't care about, but for some reason it just hit me like a ton of bricks. i'm not sure if its jealousy, envy, hate, or disgust. all i know is that it really fucked me up. thats all i have to say about it.

weekend update, feb 14th

so i've been really bad with my blog posts lately and i apologize for it. between school and work i've been consumed in nothing but that. my weekends are overwhelmed with random fun and excitement. this past weekend was the same. hueys and drinks. but before i went to hueys, i went to a friends house for what was suppose to be movies and food and drinks, but it turned out to be more drinks than anything. we were all drunk by 7pm and we started drinking around 6ish if i remember right. lol we all watched the miss america pageant and the girl that i liked and picked one! i know thats nothing to really brag about, but who care #dontjudgeme. lol so after that we ate and then had more drinks. by now its 10ish and its starting to get a little wack so i had my homeboy come scoop me up and take me to hueys wit the rest of the crew. this time we let some of our female buddies tag along and it was cool. they understood that this was a "guys night" and they didn't complain. they had some drinks with us and shared lots of laughs. one of those laughs included the revealing of what we were expecting to happen a loooooong time ago, but i guess she didn't realize it til that week. #edwardharrisshrug we also decided to go to Mardi Gras too! can't wait! as i type this i'm laughing at one of my tweeples tweets last week about going to the N.O. that girl is crazy. lol

as of now, i don't have any plans for feb. 14th. its not a big deal to me either. if something comes up, it comes up. i do however have a certain young lady in mind that i wouldn't mind spending that day with but we will see how it goes. i think we are suppose to hang out this weekend. so i know she's gonna be on her best behavior. lol speaking of that, yesterday i made a comment on twitter about women, no my bad, girls trying to act right feb 1-13th. if they realized that if you act right any other day of the year, your man will always treat u the way u want to be treated instead of just that one day. *and i'm meaning that in a GOOD relationship. not the bullshit ones that we see everyday* i'm not an expert on relationships, nor am i tryin to be, but its common sense folks. act right and it will come back to you in a positive way. i wanna talk a little more about this but i don't have the time right now due to time restraints, but hope you all got the point.....

peace&love ya'll

the dating game

hey everyone! how was your weekend? did you all have fun?



so i've been noticing this trend when i go out......alcohol. lol all of my friends, and myself included, consume A LOT of drinks. this weekend, no drinks. just a beer or two with my meal and thats it. on friday night i got drunk, but i didn't really FEEL it til i got home. at the bar, i was ok. i felt "good". but they say shots sneak up on you and indeed they did. i didn't get sick tho. I'm a G, i can hold my liquor.

i had two dates this weekend too. friday afternoon, i went to lunch with a friend and it was nice. i'm not sure u would call it a date because we have known each other for a while now. plus we kinda hinted toward dating years ago, but friendship fitted us better at the time. *anywho, i'm rambling now* so we went to eat and it was fun. we always have fun when we hang out. saturday night i had another date with this girl met in school. she's a really nice girl. definitely different from ANY girl that i would normally date. she's a red bone, as they say in the south. her body reminds me of one of those girls in a 50 cent video. i know what you're thinking and yes, i can handle it. all of it. lol but anywho, we decided to go to this little mexican place in mid town (shout out to the big homie). so we get there(after gettin lost 50 million times because of the rain) and we had a really nice time. we talked about what we want in life and the things that we are going to do to make sure we get there. she told me that she had never been taken to places like this for dinner. mainly because of the terrible guys that usually try to take her out.
PAUSE**** TO ALL THE GOOD GUYS OUT THERE* you would be surprised at how many pretty women don't get asked out. if u see a nice looking women GO FOR IT!! she's most likely single.

so we talk about of previous relationships and things that we like to do for fun. she's a nice girl. fun,and easy going. we ended up staying there til the place closed at 3am. yeah, it was THAT nice. then we talked til about 5am because i HAD to get some sleep for work the next morning. but unlike the other girls that i met recently, u can actually see what she says she's about instead of just hearing it. we are gonna hang out this week again and prolly again this weekend. we didn't kiss or anything yet, but i AM looking forward to it. there's something else about her that i'm leaving out, but i will bring it up in later posts if we end up getting serious.

so that was my weekend. its almost time for me to go to class so i will hit you all up later on night...
peace&love