not the old me anymore

hey everyone,


i took a little break from writing and social networking for a few days last week because of my grams illness. she's not better but the fits aren't as frequent as they were this past week. i can't lie, with every phone call i received, i though that it was going to be THE call. But thank God that it wasn't. There have been a few isolated situations with some of my family members, but illness can do that to a family. But i have confidence that we will pull together. my cousin is coming home this week to help out. i'm gonna go over to the house on my off days this week so, i will get to do my part as well. My gramps still hasn't grasped that he can't treat her like he normally does. i think he's just in denial about his wife. i mean, she's been sick for years now, but this just came outta nowhere with the fits and wandering out the house and the stopped breathing. i know he's scared. we all are.......let me change the subject, i'm starting get a little sad.......



So, at church today, my pastor said something and it really hit home with me. he said something along the lines of how we can put people on these pedestals higher than the people that are really there for us. i am guilty of that to the 5th degree. i have these friendships with people in other states and i put them before a lot of people here in memphis just because they live in major cities and they have these great lives, whereas the people here in memphis are just as important and mean more to me than they do. i had a friendship with a young lady that you all may remember me talking about; i really liked her a lot and i really put her about everyone else, when she hadn't done anything special. we talked a lot sure, but what was it that made me want to treat her better than anyone here???? yeah, she was cute. great personality. head on right, but i have people here that were equally as great as she was. now i don't even talk to her. AT ALL. i tried to reach out to her last week and she didn't respond. so, what was all the extra credit for????? I tried to reach out to my homeboy too. he didn't say anything either. i mean it was like a slap in the face. i'm not a bad guy. i will admit when i'm wrong. everyone that knows me, knows that i will. i have no problem accepting responsibility for my faults. but when u de-friend me and not say anything when i try to make amends, that really pisses me off. at least have the decency to curse me out or say "hey, i don't think you and i should be friends anymore." But let me say this before it gets confused, i do not beg for friendships or relationships. if you don't want to be my friend, ok cool. i'm grown. i can handle it. i'm not going to cry about it. but at least give me the respect i deserve. or at least thats what i would do. if i didn't want to be friends with a person, i'm going to just tell them. i think this just shows me how forgiving i am of people and how i let people in without truly getting to know them. it's not like i didn't try. i can admit that i ignore signals, but when i do finally see them, its like "DUH AARON" lol there's more to this that i want to say or could say, but its really pointless at this point. Sure i'm going to miss the friendships, but u can't make anyone do what they don't want to do. i mean, once u get unfollowed on twitter or fb i guess thats the obvious sign that they are done being your friend right?....


last night my hs sweetheart came by my house. i hadn't seen her in 2 years. she got married around the time my recent ex and i got together. Tiff and i have always had a good relationship. even post breakup. we really didn't get that bad breakup experience. i moved back to NY and she moved to nashville to go to school so it was like we had no choice back then. but we have always been friends. although i know she loves her husband and her family, u can tell that there is still something there from the conversations that we have had in the past. i would never do anything to jeopardize her marriage. she WAS looking good though. i could see her happiness in her eyes and i must say that i couldn't help but become a little jealous. i want to be where she is. i want the family with 2 kids, nice home ya know. but anywho, we talked for a few hours about life and caught up on each others lives. i wouldn't mind talking to her more. maybe we could email or something. i know talking on the phone is not happening *i'm not a complete idiot* but some sort of communication would be nice.

that's all i have to say for now. u guys have a great week, i'll check in with you all later, OH! AND SHOUTOUT TO MY NEW FOLLOWER. YOU GUYS SHOW HER SOME LUV AND CHECK HER BLOG OUT!!

Peace&Love

hey everyone, i probably won't be blogging for a few days. my grandmother is really sick. she may have Alzheimer disease. to have her in this state is really hard to deal with. i don't want to see her go, but at the same time, i don't want to see her mind go along with her health. she doesn't deserve this pain. i'll keep u all posted.

peace&love