so late last night i had a talk with someone and it really hit close to home. everything was said, i already knew i had to do. there were points that were very painful but true. this isn't a post about me saying what i'm going to do, its just me doing me. taking care of aaron is my focus. one thing that i wasn't able to say last night was that, i've always put other people ahead of aaron's responsibilities. i'm a giving person its just how i've always been. i make sure that you are ok before myself and i can no longer do that. i hate to say this but i'm gonna have to be "aaron the asshole" for a while until i get back on my feet. and by that i mean i'm ignoring every person that isn't here to help or bring something positive to my life. and honestly i don't want your help either. it just is what it is. i deleted mad numbers last night. if you call and i ask who is this, its not because i don't like you or i'm removing you out of my life, well i slick am, but i just can't worry about other people right now. i just have to do the best thing for me and my future. i'm almost 25 and i have nothing to show for it. this isn't a feel sorry for aaron day or anything it just is what it is. i want to be successful just like everyone else. i've never done things the "normal way or the right way" i've always done it the aaron way and i can't do that anymore. growing up everything was so easy for me. i never had to work hard for anything and up until now, thats how its been. life is hard because of things that you neglect to do. if you don't take care of business it will come back to haunt you. trust the kid on this one, i know what i'm talkin about. today marks a new day in my life and i hope that this is the right way for me to go. again, i'm not gonna be some stuck up guy or anything, just don't step to me with mess. i don't have time for it.
thats all i got folks. i need to get ready for class......
peace&love
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
my escape
so i'm supposed to be doing this paper but i got side tracked by reading blogs and watchin this game. although i don't really care for either team, i just want dallas to lose. i eff'n hate the cowboys. sorry big homie but i just don't like them. #kanyeshrug
but anywho back to my point.....oh yeah the blogs. i love reading good blogs. they entertain me. they're sexual and put us( the readers) in a fantasy world that we can only dream of living.they say things that i want to say but i'm too scared to say, so i read them and i say "me too!! or yeah i want that to happen" to everything that they write. however, i'm at the point where i feel like i'm reading too many female written blogs. don't get me wrong ladies, u all keep me laughin and give me nice hints for my future relationship(God please send me that girl asap!! lol) i want to read more male blogs that say the things that these women are saying/doing but from our point of view. other than myself, and my homie, i don't know of any good male bloggers. i'm not talkin bout the ones that discuss fashion. those are cool but i can only take so much of that. i need some real macho type shit. like stuff i can relate to. if any of my readers know of any, hit the kid up and send me the link.
but anywho back to my point.....oh yeah the blogs. i love reading good blogs. they entertain me. they're sexual and put us( the readers) in a fantasy world that we can only dream of living.they say things that i want to say but i'm too scared to say, so i read them and i say "me too!! or yeah i want that to happen" to everything that they write. however, i'm at the point where i feel like i'm reading too many female written blogs. don't get me wrong ladies, u all keep me laughin and give me nice hints for my future relationship(God please send me that girl asap!! lol) i want to read more male blogs that say the things that these women are saying/doing but from our point of view. other than myself, and my homie, i don't know of any good male bloggers. i'm not talkin bout the ones that discuss fashion. those are cool but i can only take so much of that. i need some real macho type shit. like stuff i can relate to. if any of my readers know of any, hit the kid up and send me the link.
no sex, interview, and rambling
HEY!!!!
So, like I said this morning on twitter, I was gonna blog today. I woke up this morning feeling the urge to write. so here I am, finally after being with my cousins after church for 5 hours , I finally made it home.
*side note* if u haven’t heard Ryan Leslie new album check it out. Its really good
So guys I don’t know if I told you all, but I haven’t had sex since july and its really starting to get to me. I mean I’m not addicted or anything like that, but the kid REALLY is starting to feel the pressure. There’s a blog that I follow that I can only read during certain times because this writer has the kid feelin like jodeci lol. I told myself that I want to wait until I get into a relationship before I “end the streak” and it would be at least a month into the relationship that would want to think about doing it. Normally sex isn’t a big thing to me, because it always came with easy for me. I’d meet a girl and within days we’d be in the sheets. Even the young lady that I was dating this summer, whom I didn’t see myself being sexually active with until at least a month or longer within us dating, took all of 4 days I think before I had sex with her. But I think that the “pressure” is catching up like karma lol how that makes sense, idk but you all know what I mean.
Ohhhhhh yeah!!!!!
I got a call back for a job interview this Wednesday afternoon. I don’t want to say where yet because I don’t want to jinx it, but I will say this, its at a store that you would LEAST expect me to work at. I’m excited because I was really starting to get a little down about things and it was starting to show in my attitude……….. Last week in general was a bad week for me period. I lost my “friendship” and it hurt. I can’t cry about it now, just learn, own up to my mistakes and keep going. Speaking of which, I made my page on twitter private again. I have to stop letting randoms get so close to me. They have no place in my life.
This weekend I was supposed to go out and try to get my mind off things but I didn’t do anything this weekend. People cancelled and plans fell through, so I did nothing but think........ And think........and think........hopefully when I get the chance to do things, this time I won’t have to think, I will just do. I’m starting to ramble so I’m gonna stop now, plus the Giants are struggling lol gotta pay more attention to the game. I’ll be back later.
Peace and Love
So, like I said this morning on twitter, I was gonna blog today. I woke up this morning feeling the urge to write. so here I am, finally after being with my cousins after church for 5 hours , I finally made it home.
*side note* if u haven’t heard Ryan Leslie new album check it out. Its really good
So guys I don’t know if I told you all, but I haven’t had sex since july and its really starting to get to me. I mean I’m not addicted or anything like that, but the kid REALLY is starting to feel the pressure. There’s a blog that I follow that I can only read during certain times because this writer has the kid feelin like jodeci lol. I told myself that I want to wait until I get into a relationship before I “end the streak” and it would be at least a month into the relationship that would want to think about doing it. Normally sex isn’t a big thing to me, because it always came with easy for me. I’d meet a girl and within days we’d be in the sheets. Even the young lady that I was dating this summer, whom I didn’t see myself being sexually active with until at least a month or longer within us dating, took all of 4 days I think before I had sex with her. But I think that the “pressure” is catching up like karma lol how that makes sense, idk but you all know what I mean.
Ohhhhhh yeah!!!!!
I got a call back for a job interview this Wednesday afternoon. I don’t want to say where yet because I don’t want to jinx it, but I will say this, its at a store that you would LEAST expect me to work at. I’m excited because I was really starting to get a little down about things and it was starting to show in my attitude……….. Last week in general was a bad week for me period. I lost my “friendship” and it hurt. I can’t cry about it now, just learn, own up to my mistakes and keep going. Speaking of which, I made my page on twitter private again. I have to stop letting randoms get so close to me. They have no place in my life.
This weekend I was supposed to go out and try to get my mind off things but I didn’t do anything this weekend. People cancelled and plans fell through, so I did nothing but think........ And think........and think........hopefully when I get the chance to do things, this time I won’t have to think, I will just do. I’m starting to ramble so I’m gonna stop now, plus the Giants are struggling lol gotta pay more attention to the game. I’ll be back later.
Peace and Love
Friday, November 6, 2009
wake up to poop!
What’s good everyone! It’s the weekend!!!
So I’m up mad early today because of my dumb ass and my dog‘s poopy ass! So I wake up at like 6 something this morning to see my dogs head at the edge of my bed. I look to a little further and I see 2 piles of grown man type poop on the floor. So I jump up and go clean it up.*mind you, I’m half sleep* I go to the bathroom and I grab some paper towels (you guys can see where this is going right) and start picking up the poop and cleaning my carpet. Well like a dumb ass, I drop the poop and the paper towels in the toilet and proceed to flush………………WATER GOES EVERYWHERE!! So now I’m like WTF am I gonna do??? THEN I HEAR WATER HITTING THE FLOOR……..DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!!
So I turn the toilet off and run downstairs to see the damage. it was coming out of the light fixture in the kitchen. I get a bucket to catch the water (*side note* my dog is running full speed around the house like a freakin idiot!!!) The water stops and I look at the damage. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be. There’s a small water spot on the ceiling and the rug in the kitchen is wet. I put the rug outside to dry off and I got all the water off the floor in the bathroom upstairs. Luckily the pipes didn’t back up and burst or anything. So I lucked out on that. And ALL this happened before 8am!!!! So I’ve had a great morning and now my dog is sitting here sleeping like nothing happened. Don’t you just love your pets?????(Chris rock annoying voice sound)
So I finally have an off weekend and I hope to get a few things done. I wanted to go to Nashville for TSU homecoming but I don’t have the funds and the person that I usually stay with is now married and I don’t think her husband would allow that #kanyeshrug. So I’m gonna stay here do what I need to do. First I have a paper that I need to do so I will knock that out tomorrow. 2nd, I want to go see that new movie precious too. I have to get back in single guy, not dating anyone in the foreseeable future mode so I will go check that out either Saturday or Sunday afternoon so I can get in for under $100. Damn movies are expensive SMH. I might even cook this weekend too! We’ll see. Oh and my homeboy is having a party tonight so I will check that out after I get off tonight. Hey, if it’s free, it’s for me! Lol
I told myself that I was gonna spare my readers of the constant writing about things happening with my ex. I have a feeling that it’s gonna be a long time before anything new develops with that, whether it be positive or negative so I’m just gonna lay off it. Whatever happens happens. That’s all I can say about that. However, having a female companion in the right situation always makes things THAT much better.
Oh and I think I will be getting another job soon. Hopefully as early as next week. I’m gonna see if an old manager will give the kid a job and I’m gonna apply to watch old people at night and I hear they make good money. I just found out that I got looked over Yet again with my current employer and its really starting to get on my nerves. I’ve been here the longest and I feel like it’s my time. Not displaying bitchassness of anything but it is, what it is……..
Well that’s all the kid has for now, I will be back Sunday or Monday for the weekend update or if anything happens, I’ll be back sooner. Hope you all have a safe and great weekend!
Peace&Love
So I’m up mad early today because of my dumb ass and my dog‘s poopy ass! So I wake up at like 6 something this morning to see my dogs head at the edge of my bed. I look to a little further and I see 2 piles of grown man type poop on the floor. So I jump up and go clean it up.*mind you, I’m half sleep* I go to the bathroom and I grab some paper towels (you guys can see where this is going right) and start picking up the poop and cleaning my carpet. Well like a dumb ass, I drop the poop and the paper towels in the toilet and proceed to flush………………WATER GOES EVERYWHERE!! So now I’m like WTF am I gonna do??? THEN I HEAR WATER HITTING THE FLOOR……..DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!!
So I turn the toilet off and run downstairs to see the damage. it was coming out of the light fixture in the kitchen. I get a bucket to catch the water (*side note* my dog is running full speed around the house like a freakin idiot!!!) The water stops and I look at the damage. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be. There’s a small water spot on the ceiling and the rug in the kitchen is wet. I put the rug outside to dry off and I got all the water off the floor in the bathroom upstairs. Luckily the pipes didn’t back up and burst or anything. So I lucked out on that. And ALL this happened before 8am!!!! So I’ve had a great morning and now my dog is sitting here sleeping like nothing happened. Don’t you just love your pets?????(Chris rock annoying voice sound)
So I finally have an off weekend and I hope to get a few things done. I wanted to go to Nashville for TSU homecoming but I don’t have the funds and the person that I usually stay with is now married and I don’t think her husband would allow that #kanyeshrug. So I’m gonna stay here do what I need to do. First I have a paper that I need to do so I will knock that out tomorrow. 2nd, I want to go see that new movie precious too. I have to get back in single guy, not dating anyone in the foreseeable future mode so I will go check that out either Saturday or Sunday afternoon so I can get in for under $100. Damn movies are expensive SMH. I might even cook this weekend too! We’ll see. Oh and my homeboy is having a party tonight so I will check that out after I get off tonight. Hey, if it’s free, it’s for me! Lol
I told myself that I was gonna spare my readers of the constant writing about things happening with my ex. I have a feeling that it’s gonna be a long time before anything new develops with that, whether it be positive or negative so I’m just gonna lay off it. Whatever happens happens. That’s all I can say about that. However, having a female companion in the right situation always makes things THAT much better.
Oh and I think I will be getting another job soon. Hopefully as early as next week. I’m gonna see if an old manager will give the kid a job and I’m gonna apply to watch old people at night and I hear they make good money. I just found out that I got looked over Yet again with my current employer and its really starting to get on my nerves. I’ve been here the longest and I feel like it’s my time. Not displaying bitchassness of anything but it is, what it is……..
Well that’s all the kid has for now, I will be back Sunday or Monday for the weekend update or if anything happens, I’ll be back sooner. Hope you all have a safe and great weekend!
Peace&Love
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
last night and song of the day
sup! (jay-z voice)
so last night after i posted that blog, got on twitter and SPAZZED!!! i shouldn't have taken it there, but i just had to get it off my chest. maybe i should have blogged about it instead, but sometimes u have to spaz every now and then. when i woke up this mmorning, i didn't feel bad about it because its over with, but it won't happen again.
sooooo in other news.......
i don't think i told u guys but the kid is going to be moving soon. where i'm going i don't know yet but i have less than 2 months to find out where. my mom told me that she was moving and wasn't gettin a place big enough for me. for those that don't know my background, i just recently moved back home 2 months ago and i have dreaded it. about two weeks ago almost she and i had a big fall out and things are still rocky in the house. i've been talkin to the homie and he's given me good advise on things to do and where to look. sometimes it's good to have someone from the outside lookin in help you out. u can over look things. i have complete confidence that i will land on my feet, i just hope i don't break anything.
i haven't done a song of the day in a minute so i guess i can have one today. i've been listening to stevie wonder today so here is one of my faves. hope u all enjoy
peace&love
so last night after i posted that blog, got on twitter and SPAZZED!!! i shouldn't have taken it there, but i just had to get it off my chest. maybe i should have blogged about it instead, but sometimes u have to spaz every now and then. when i woke up this mmorning, i didn't feel bad about it because its over with, but it won't happen again.
sooooo in other news.......
i don't think i told u guys but the kid is going to be moving soon. where i'm going i don't know yet but i have less than 2 months to find out where. my mom told me that she was moving and wasn't gettin a place big enough for me. for those that don't know my background, i just recently moved back home 2 months ago and i have dreaded it. about two weeks ago almost she and i had a big fall out and things are still rocky in the house. i've been talkin to the homie and he's given me good advise on things to do and where to look. sometimes it's good to have someone from the outside lookin in help you out. u can over look things. i have complete confidence that i will land on my feet, i just hope i don't break anything.
i haven't done a song of the day in a minute so i guess i can have one today. i've been listening to stevie wonder today so here is one of my faves. hope u all enjoy
peace&love
Monday, November 2, 2009
Wassup everyone!!
How was your week/weekend? I had a great post that I wanted to publish but I didn’t and I’m kinda glad I didn’t because it would have contradicted what I am gonna say tonight. So I guess here it goes….
Today after a back and forth battle for the past few days, my ex and I called it quits today and I’m feeling “different” about it. Honestly I had been thinking about doing this for a few days now but I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was right. I talked to a few people about it, a close friend of mine who is married and they basically said that I should have done it a long time ago when she came back into the picture. When my ex came back it thru me for a loop because of how much she said she was over me and didn’t want to be with me. I tried very hard to get her back but each time I brought it up, she ALWAYS turned me down so for it to happen I was kinda confused yet happy at the same time. Everything was cool at first but like before, it got bad. She hit a rough situation and I was there for her more than I thought that I was going to be. I enjoyed it. I liked her needing my help and I enjoyed helping her. She was my heart and I wanted only to be there for her. But I confused reality with fantasy.
I’ve tried hard to date other girls. But I just didn’t feel comfortable. Feeling like if I got too serious then she would come back, well this past time I learned that I can only look out for Aaron. There were a lot of things that I want to say but I have to keep certain things personal, but I will say this….affection goes a long way, so Show it. Men and women like it both equally. And with that said……… here I am……….alone……..again. I’m not lonely or sad. I just feel blank. That’s my time folks……..
Peace and Love.
How was your week/weekend? I had a great post that I wanted to publish but I didn’t and I’m kinda glad I didn’t because it would have contradicted what I am gonna say tonight. So I guess here it goes….
Today after a back and forth battle for the past few days, my ex and I called it quits today and I’m feeling “different” about it. Honestly I had been thinking about doing this for a few days now but I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was right. I talked to a few people about it, a close friend of mine who is married and they basically said that I should have done it a long time ago when she came back into the picture. When my ex came back it thru me for a loop because of how much she said she was over me and didn’t want to be with me. I tried very hard to get her back but each time I brought it up, she ALWAYS turned me down so for it to happen I was kinda confused yet happy at the same time. Everything was cool at first but like before, it got bad. She hit a rough situation and I was there for her more than I thought that I was going to be. I enjoyed it. I liked her needing my help and I enjoyed helping her. She was my heart and I wanted only to be there for her. But I confused reality with fantasy.
I’ve tried hard to date other girls. But I just didn’t feel comfortable. Feeling like if I got too serious then she would come back, well this past time I learned that I can only look out for Aaron. There were a lot of things that I want to say but I have to keep certain things personal, but I will say this….affection goes a long way, so Show it. Men and women like it both equally. And with that said……… here I am……….alone……..again. I’m not lonely or sad. I just feel blank. That’s my time folks……..
Peace and Love.
Friday, October 23, 2009
houston trip, intervention, and gambling
wassup everyone!
So, i'm back from houston and i hate it already. lol memphis is so boring and dead. i had a great time visiting my family. i had a long talk with my pops. he's getting ready to open his own business in January. he took me by his office and i can't wait for him to get it running. he deserves this and i am so proud of him. he's on this "i'm gettin older and i want to leave something to u guys when its my time" thing. i mean i get where he is coming from but i don't want to think about it. pops is 53. he's got a lot years left.
but anywho....
Pops really wants me to move out there. we went and looked a few schools in the Houston area. i liked them all, but after thinking and discussing it with michelle
(stepmom) we came to the conclusion that a move out there isn't whats best. really i said it, but she cosigned. so i decided that the best option now for me is to focus on graduating and going to a grad school that is in the area(s) that my major is needed most. mainly schools on the east coast and also one school in the south. right now i'm lookin at John Jay in NYC. I originally said that i wanted to move back to the east coast after i graduated but then i started thinking about if i'm in a relationship and if the move would be best for us. WELL, since i'm currently single and i don't know when my next relationship is going to come, i'm going to concentrate on whats best for aaron. and if i happen to be with someone when its time for my move, if she's the one, then she will also be apart of the move as well. i mean who wouldn't want to move to the big apple? but thats a long time from now. lets get a girlfriend first lol
today i had a talk with my mom about how she and i interact and it got real emotional for me. she will NEVER admit something even if she knows that she is wrong on and her excuse is its my house and thats how its going to be as long as u are in my house. now don't get me wrong, i do things that i shouldn't but i'm not purposely doing things to disrespect her. if i make a mistake i am willing to say "its my fault. i apologize." with her its "i don't remember saying/doing that" and thats not right at all. one thing that i do know, i will NOT raise my future child(ren) under that same philosophy. she is quick to say things about my dad about how he wasn't around for me as a child but i favor him or that i want to see him and stuff like that, but u don't say things like that to a young child. she also said other things but i'm going to go into it. but i will say this, if any of my readers have any kids, do NOT bash their mother/father in their face. especially if the child has a connection with them. regardless if you have a terrible relationship with them or not. its not fair. BUT BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING........Own up to your actions. i just recently learned to do that. i'm still learnin actually but i don't mind admitting when wrong.
lets see...what else....oh yeah!!!!
last night i went to the casino for the first time ever in life!!! i know i know i'm late but #dontjudgeme( lol for my tweeples) but it was really fun. i'm not big on gambling i only spent 3 bucks lol of course i lost it, but still i fun. i didn't get the games though. and what really baffled me was that the workers couldn't explain to u how to play the games. like what the heck is that about??? they couldn't touch anything. u couldn't even touch your cards and u have to motion with your hands on the table at that, if u wanted a hit or whatever the lingo is. lol my had a hot streak and won like 25 bucks but she got greedy and lost it lol it was fun. i wouldn't mind going back, but maybe with more money next time. lol good times
well thats all i have for tonight, holla at u guys later. until next time knuckle heads
peace and love
So, i'm back from houston and i hate it already. lol memphis is so boring and dead. i had a great time visiting my family. i had a long talk with my pops. he's getting ready to open his own business in January. he took me by his office and i can't wait for him to get it running. he deserves this and i am so proud of him. he's on this "i'm gettin older and i want to leave something to u guys when its my time" thing. i mean i get where he is coming from but i don't want to think about it. pops is 53. he's got a lot years left.
but anywho....
Pops really wants me to move out there. we went and looked a few schools in the Houston area. i liked them all, but after thinking and discussing it with michelle
(stepmom) we came to the conclusion that a move out there isn't whats best. really i said it, but she cosigned. so i decided that the best option now for me is to focus on graduating and going to a grad school that is in the area(s) that my major is needed most. mainly schools on the east coast and also one school in the south. right now i'm lookin at John Jay in NYC. I originally said that i wanted to move back to the east coast after i graduated but then i started thinking about if i'm in a relationship and if the move would be best for us. WELL, since i'm currently single and i don't know when my next relationship is going to come, i'm going to concentrate on whats best for aaron. and if i happen to be with someone when its time for my move, if she's the one, then she will also be apart of the move as well. i mean who wouldn't want to move to the big apple? but thats a long time from now. lets get a girlfriend first lol
today i had a talk with my mom about how she and i interact and it got real emotional for me. she will NEVER admit something even if she knows that she is wrong on and her excuse is its my house and thats how its going to be as long as u are in my house. now don't get me wrong, i do things that i shouldn't but i'm not purposely doing things to disrespect her. if i make a mistake i am willing to say "its my fault. i apologize." with her its "i don't remember saying/doing that" and thats not right at all. one thing that i do know, i will NOT raise my future child(ren) under that same philosophy. she is quick to say things about my dad about how he wasn't around for me as a child but i favor him or that i want to see him and stuff like that, but u don't say things like that to a young child. she also said other things but i'm going to go into it. but i will say this, if any of my readers have any kids, do NOT bash their mother/father in their face. especially if the child has a connection with them. regardless if you have a terrible relationship with them or not. its not fair. BUT BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING........Own up to your actions. i just recently learned to do that. i'm still learnin actually but i don't mind admitting when wrong.
lets see...what else....oh yeah!!!!
last night i went to the casino for the first time ever in life!!! i know i know i'm late but #dontjudgeme( lol for my tweeples) but it was really fun. i'm not big on gambling i only spent 3 bucks lol of course i lost it, but still i fun. i didn't get the games though. and what really baffled me was that the workers couldn't explain to u how to play the games. like what the heck is that about??? they couldn't touch anything. u couldn't even touch your cards and u have to motion with your hands on the table at that, if u wanted a hit or whatever the lingo is. lol my had a hot streak and won like 25 bucks but she got greedy and lost it lol it was fun. i wouldn't mind going back, but maybe with more money next time. lol good times
well thats all i have for tonight, holla at u guys later. until next time knuckle heads
peace and love
Sunday, October 18, 2009
mess and other stuff
wassup!
so i've been having different feelings and emotions about my life and the people in it. u ever feel like hitting the reset button and start over? well thats how i feel. i feel like i have made certain mistakes in the past that seem to keep poppin up. not saying that i can't handle them coming back into play, its that i'm just tired of them coming back ya kno? and its because i seem to have the "hard to let go bug" i talked to my home girl tonight and she made me realize a lot of things that we can't control, but we can control the mess that we allow to come back.
i don't necessarily mean people when i say mess. i mean situations. i allow situations to reoccur. its like i see them forming but i sometimes entertain it because its what i'm used to and then i sit back and look at it like "dang, here i go again". i'm so glad i was able to come visit my brothers in houston. i was able to sit them down and discuss A LOT of my mistakes that i made with them. especially my youngest brother. he's slackin a bit when it comes to the real world and he's gonna be out there in a short few months and i really want him to do well. as for my other brother, he's gonna be ok. i don't have the same worries for him that i have with jon. david is gonna be fine.
but back to my point*
MESS!!!!!!
I'm going to start making a more conscious effort to do better. whether it be financially, socially or whatever the case may be. I feel like God is tryin to show me things that will take me to the next level, but i have to let this mess go. i mean, to be a black man in america is hard enough, but the added drama is not needed. i'm not depressed or anything about it. its just is what it is.
i was seriously going crazy back in memphis. having to move home and deal with mothers mouth about dumb, simple things WILL make you go crazy. come the first of the year(2010) if i don't get my promotion, i'm gonna have to start lookin for other employment. i cannot and will not continue being in the same situation i'm in now. part of being a man is standing up and doing what u need to do. regardless of how much u may not want to, u have to do it. cuz i'll be damned if my wife(pray i get married lol) goes and asks her folks for anything.
so my dad wants me to move out here like today. lol he and michelle(stepmom) feel like there are things that i need to learn by living here and that i would benefit from it. granted i do miss living with them, but i feel like i would be living a fairy tale if i stayed here before i finished school. i have bills and obligations that i need to take care of first. i have school to finish up and then i can move. i did find out that i have family members in positions that i could greatly benefit from them helping me out. i think that 6 months after me graduating i will be ready to move on to the next level of my adulthood. whether it be here in houston or anywhere else. which brings me back to my original statement earlier saying that i prolly wouldn't have made the same mistakes i made had i been living here with them, but who's to say wouldn't have made others......
thats my time folks
peace and love
so i've been having different feelings and emotions about my life and the people in it. u ever feel like hitting the reset button and start over? well thats how i feel. i feel like i have made certain mistakes in the past that seem to keep poppin up. not saying that i can't handle them coming back into play, its that i'm just tired of them coming back ya kno? and its because i seem to have the "hard to let go bug" i talked to my home girl tonight and she made me realize a lot of things that we can't control, but we can control the mess that we allow to come back.
i don't necessarily mean people when i say mess. i mean situations. i allow situations to reoccur. its like i see them forming but i sometimes entertain it because its what i'm used to and then i sit back and look at it like "dang, here i go again". i'm so glad i was able to come visit my brothers in houston. i was able to sit them down and discuss A LOT of my mistakes that i made with them. especially my youngest brother. he's slackin a bit when it comes to the real world and he's gonna be out there in a short few months and i really want him to do well. as for my other brother, he's gonna be ok. i don't have the same worries for him that i have with jon. david is gonna be fine.
but back to my point*
MESS!!!!!!
I'm going to start making a more conscious effort to do better. whether it be financially, socially or whatever the case may be. I feel like God is tryin to show me things that will take me to the next level, but i have to let this mess go. i mean, to be a black man in america is hard enough, but the added drama is not needed. i'm not depressed or anything about it. its just is what it is.
i was seriously going crazy back in memphis. having to move home and deal with mothers mouth about dumb, simple things WILL make you go crazy. come the first of the year(2010) if i don't get my promotion, i'm gonna have to start lookin for other employment. i cannot and will not continue being in the same situation i'm in now. part of being a man is standing up and doing what u need to do. regardless of how much u may not want to, u have to do it. cuz i'll be damned if my wife(pray i get married lol) goes and asks her folks for anything.
so my dad wants me to move out here like today. lol he and michelle(stepmom) feel like there are things that i need to learn by living here and that i would benefit from it. granted i do miss living with them, but i feel like i would be living a fairy tale if i stayed here before i finished school. i have bills and obligations that i need to take care of first. i have school to finish up and then i can move. i did find out that i have family members in positions that i could greatly benefit from them helping me out. i think that 6 months after me graduating i will be ready to move on to the next level of my adulthood. whether it be here in houston or anywhere else. which brings me back to my original statement earlier saying that i prolly wouldn't have made the same mistakes i made had i been living here with them, but who's to say wouldn't have made others......
thats my time folks
peace and love
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
funk
i find myself really irritated with very small things lately, idk what it is but its really causing me to have arguments with people that i shouldn't have. i think that i am going thru a transition in my life where i don't want excuses. just do it. if u say your gonna do something, do it. i don't wanna hear i forgot or well, i didn't think u would____. i really don't have anything else to say. i'm just in a funk that i NEED to get out of.......
i had something more important to discus but i will talk about it when i'm in a better mood...hopefully tomorrow.
peace&love
i had something more important to discus but i will talk about it when i'm in a better mood...hopefully tomorrow.
peace&love
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
"friends"
so i gotta admit, i've been in this funk for a few days now. its not anything that i did, but its from some things that were "revealed" to me the other day. a really good friend of mine told me something that he did and it really upset me....well let me take that back, it disappointed me because i would have never in a million years expect him to do something like this. i got some real low down "friends" but he wasn't like that. and what really made me mad was that not only did he lie to me about it, and hide it, it was the way he told me. he said it like...idk really how to describe it but here is his words "before her ass try to make it into some bullshit...."
so u guys see where i'm coming from right??
one thing that i know about myself is that i'm a very trusting person and i actually treat my friendships like they are suppose to. if my homeboy tells me something i keep it between us. if someone needs something and i have the funds to get it, i got u. hell, u can put me in a room with ALL my homie's girls and i wouldn't touch them. i don't cross that line. i guess its just a sign for me from God sayin that i need to watch who i call a friend. because...well honestly, i prolly can say that excluding the big homie, whom i just met btw, i can't trust 95% of my male "friends" i think thats why i don't have any real male friends anymore. my best friend is slowly lettin his life go to waste by not actually doing anything with his life and is still jobless and still smokes his life away. not sayin that there is nothing wrong with gettin high, but get a job first. my former college homies are ALL bums and liars. i had a friend whom i woulda did anything for try to fuck my ex on multiply occasions. not to mention he has 3 kids and only half way takes care of the first one(only because he's named after him)i just want positive people in my life. if it means that i don't go out or go to games with the "guys" or have to watch fights alone then so be it. but i'm not gonna worry about small things like this anymore. i've made it this far and i'm still going on. to my male friends that don't fit into this category, don't take it personal. i'm just sayin. the fake friend crap is over.
so u guys see where i'm coming from right??
one thing that i know about myself is that i'm a very trusting person and i actually treat my friendships like they are suppose to. if my homeboy tells me something i keep it between us. if someone needs something and i have the funds to get it, i got u. hell, u can put me in a room with ALL my homie's girls and i wouldn't touch them. i don't cross that line. i guess its just a sign for me from God sayin that i need to watch who i call a friend. because...well honestly, i prolly can say that excluding the big homie, whom i just met btw, i can't trust 95% of my male "friends" i think thats why i don't have any real male friends anymore. my best friend is slowly lettin his life go to waste by not actually doing anything with his life and is still jobless and still smokes his life away. not sayin that there is nothing wrong with gettin high, but get a job first. my former college homies are ALL bums and liars. i had a friend whom i woulda did anything for try to fuck my ex on multiply occasions. not to mention he has 3 kids and only half way takes care of the first one(only because he's named after him)i just want positive people in my life. if it means that i don't go out or go to games with the "guys" or have to watch fights alone then so be it. but i'm not gonna worry about small things like this anymore. i've made it this far and i'm still going on. to my male friends that don't fit into this category, don't take it personal. i'm just sayin. the fake friend crap is over.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
writers block
hey everyone!!1
how's your weekend going? mine has been really relaxing and very chill. i didn't go anywhere today and i liked that. i've gone out every weekend this past month and i enjoyed my fun, but sometimes its good to just stay at home. although next week i'm suppose to be hangin out with a friend but i'm havin mixed thoughts about going. he's an old friend, one of the few people i am still in contact with since i started college, but i will keep u guys posted.
*side note:i wish i knew how to put a music player on my blog so i could play music while u guys read my posts. but just to give u guys a visual i'm listening to Carl Thomas first album, "Giving You All My Love"*
back to the blog
i think i know what was preventing me from bloggin for so long. lack of inspiration. i had plenty to write about(LOTS) but i just didn't feel like the things that were going on was something that i needed to write about. well some of it was worth it, but i just didn't want to give that situation more power than it had, but in actuality i was by not talkin about it and lettin it build. well last night i had a talk with the big homie and he pretty much told me what i needed to hear. as u all already know, i have been going through this back and forth battle with my ex for months now and i think that its finally dead. like she did something the other day and it really pissed me off and at that moment, i said enough is enough with this. she knows what she's doin when she says(well text rather) the things she says. it was really random and when i tried to ask her about it, she replied"she shouldn't have sent me that message and that it wasn't her place to say what it is that she thinks that i am doing wrong." ok thats all fine and dandy, but don't initiate the conversation and then come back like oh i don't wanna talk about it,BUT something told me to check her twitter and sure enough, i found what i was lookin for. she can talk about me on there, but she can't tell me what it is thats bothering her. now u would think after EVERYTHING that we have been through, everything that i have recently helped her out with, she would have no problem at all. i mean, she has never been shy about speakin her mind, but today, she don't wanna talk??? if u guys knew what all i have done for her recently, u all would think that i was crazy for doing it. but hey, when u care about someone when they are at their lowest, u wanna help them. but all that is over with. whatever problem she has will be just that...hers. i'm not bitter or angry about it, its just not my battle.
how's your weekend going? mine has been really relaxing and very chill. i didn't go anywhere today and i liked that. i've gone out every weekend this past month and i enjoyed my fun, but sometimes its good to just stay at home. although next week i'm suppose to be hangin out with a friend but i'm havin mixed thoughts about going. he's an old friend, one of the few people i am still in contact with since i started college, but i will keep u guys posted.
*side note:i wish i knew how to put a music player on my blog so i could play music while u guys read my posts. but just to give u guys a visual i'm listening to Carl Thomas first album, "Giving You All My Love"*
back to the blog
i think i know what was preventing me from bloggin for so long. lack of inspiration. i had plenty to write about(LOTS) but i just didn't feel like the things that were going on was something that i needed to write about. well some of it was worth it, but i just didn't want to give that situation more power than it had, but in actuality i was by not talkin about it and lettin it build. well last night i had a talk with the big homie and he pretty much told me what i needed to hear. as u all already know, i have been going through this back and forth battle with my ex for months now and i think that its finally dead. like she did something the other day and it really pissed me off and at that moment, i said enough is enough with this. she knows what she's doin when she says(well text rather) the things she says. it was really random and when i tried to ask her about it, she replied"she shouldn't have sent me that message and that it wasn't her place to say what it is that she thinks that i am doing wrong." ok thats all fine and dandy, but don't initiate the conversation and then come back like oh i don't wanna talk about it,BUT something told me to check her twitter and sure enough, i found what i was lookin for. she can talk about me on there, but she can't tell me what it is thats bothering her. now u would think after EVERYTHING that we have been through, everything that i have recently helped her out with, she would have no problem at all. i mean, she has never been shy about speakin her mind, but today, she don't wanna talk??? if u guys knew what all i have done for her recently, u all would think that i was crazy for doing it. but hey, when u care about someone when they are at their lowest, u wanna help them. but all that is over with. whatever problem she has will be just that...hers. i'm not bitter or angry about it, its just not my battle.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
i'm doing better lol
so i had this blog i had been writin since tuesday but i don't feel like writin it anymore lol
wassup everyone(i almost said tweeple lol)
so today was a really good day. i got outta class early today and went to Lemoyne Owen college to see my co-worker step. now this was the first time i ever been to a HBCU stepshow, so i was a little excited...until i got there. it was so damn hot in that gym was silly. like image being in gym class as a kid with no air on the inside and then add ALL the black people that go to that school. how was the stepshow u ask?? horrible. worst stepshow i'd ever been to. LOC has to be the most ghetto-est school in the history of college. they were playin basketball before the stepshow started!!WTDTA!!! so of course after they stepped, me and my homeboys left.
so what else.....
like today was a really good day. i did't have any major issues. it was really cool. talked to pops today. he's really tryin to make some moves for me. if it keeps up, i might be makin some major moves sooner than i thought and tht would be great.
my plans for the weekend....
notadamnthang!!!! lol i am gonna chill and have fun all weekend. i think my friends and i are gonna go out tomorrow and thats all i really have planned. oh and watch a lot of football.
*side note(blackstreet first album was a banger!!!!!!)
i wanna briefly touch on one other subject. i just wanna say that stayin calm during "random moments" really helps. today i got a text and it kinda pissed me off, like wth did this come from. but u can't make someone explain there beef with u. just take it and let roll and thats what i learned. i really am thankful for the people that have recently been put in my life cuz i been gettin all types of advise from their situations and it helps a lot. you know u think that u can stay calm but sometimes u need that extra voice that says "relax, relate, release friend"
peace and love ya'll
wassup everyone(i almost said tweeple lol)
so today was a really good day. i got outta class early today and went to Lemoyne Owen college to see my co-worker step. now this was the first time i ever been to a HBCU stepshow, so i was a little excited...until i got there. it was so damn hot in that gym was silly. like image being in gym class as a kid with no air on the inside and then add ALL the black people that go to that school. how was the stepshow u ask?? horrible. worst stepshow i'd ever been to. LOC has to be the most ghetto-est school in the history of college. they were playin basketball before the stepshow started!!WTDTA!!! so of course after they stepped, me and my homeboys left.
so what else.....
like today was a really good day. i did't have any major issues. it was really cool. talked to pops today. he's really tryin to make some moves for me. if it keeps up, i might be makin some major moves sooner than i thought and tht would be great.
my plans for the weekend....
notadamnthang!!!! lol i am gonna chill and have fun all weekend. i think my friends and i are gonna go out tomorrow and thats all i really have planned. oh and watch a lot of football.
*side note(blackstreet first album was a banger!!!!!!)
i wanna briefly touch on one other subject. i just wanna say that stayin calm during "random moments" really helps. today i got a text and it kinda pissed me off, like wth did this come from. but u can't make someone explain there beef with u. just take it and let roll and thats what i learned. i really am thankful for the people that have recently been put in my life cuz i been gettin all types of advise from their situations and it helps a lot. you know u think that u can stay calm but sometimes u need that extra voice that says "relax, relate, release friend"
peace and love ya'll
Monday, September 21, 2009
gone but not forgotten
hey everyone,
sorry i have been mia on my blogging but i just didn't have any inspiration to write. don't get me wrong, i have had plenty to write about, i felt like there weren't any words to describe how i felt. i did, however talk to the homie(whats good fam! how bout them giants) and he helped me get past my issue. i hate to keep talkin about it, but its like this is still a major part of my young life and everything that i do now, has some sort of effect on my tomorrow. i will say that i am happy with where i am now, and i am enjoying life.
lets see what else......
i went to the Erykah Badu concert a few weeks ago and i had a good time. i also met some of my twitter friends that night too. speaking of twitter, the crew, these guys are my homies. even tho they are all alcoholics, i love em. i also went to the classic last weekend too. it was fun, got drunk(shout out to busyB) AND got more drunk. lol
oh, i forgot to tell u guys, i'm going to houston next month. i'm really serious about gettin outta memphis. i'm going for my fall break and i can't wait. i'm gonna go look at some schools for grad school and i'm also gonna get to spend some time with my pops too. can't wait for that. remember a few entries ago when i said that there was something that i wanted to discuss but i wasn't really ready to discuss it? well i'm still not ready but it has something to do with my trip to houston too. when i get back from texas i will tell u guys i promise. lol
thats all i have for now. since its #musicmonday, here's a song that i'm listening to on my ipod. this is for you..
peace and love yall
sorry i have been mia on my blogging but i just didn't have any inspiration to write. don't get me wrong, i have had plenty to write about, i felt like there weren't any words to describe how i felt. i did, however talk to the homie(whats good fam! how bout them giants) and he helped me get past my issue. i hate to keep talkin about it, but its like this is still a major part of my young life and everything that i do now, has some sort of effect on my tomorrow. i will say that i am happy with where i am now, and i am enjoying life.
lets see what else......
i went to the Erykah Badu concert a few weeks ago and i had a good time. i also met some of my twitter friends that night too. speaking of twitter, the crew, these guys are my homies. even tho they are all alcoholics, i love em. i also went to the classic last weekend too. it was fun, got drunk(shout out to busyB) AND got more drunk. lol
oh, i forgot to tell u guys, i'm going to houston next month. i'm really serious about gettin outta memphis. i'm going for my fall break and i can't wait. i'm gonna go look at some schools for grad school and i'm also gonna get to spend some time with my pops too. can't wait for that. remember a few entries ago when i said that there was something that i wanted to discuss but i wasn't really ready to discuss it? well i'm still not ready but it has something to do with my trip to houston too. when i get back from texas i will tell u guys i promise. lol
thats all i have for now. since its #musicmonday, here's a song that i'm listening to on my ipod. this is for you..
peace and love yall
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
my bad!!!!!!!!!
ok so tonight was suppose to be the night that i blogged but the game came on threw me completely off plus somethin else came up that also made me fall back on from writing and instead asked my "crew" a question and they gave me really good solid answers so tomorrow after class, i'm going to write what i wanted to say tonight and i will let u all get in on the topic as well. ok i gotta get some rest before i pass out.
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