houston trip, intervention, and gambling

wassup everyone!


So, i'm back from houston and i hate it already. lol memphis is so boring and dead. i had a great time visiting my family. i had a long talk with my pops. he's getting ready to open his own business in January. he took me by his office and i can't wait for him to get it running. he deserves this and i am so proud of him. he's on this "i'm gettin older and i want to leave something to u guys when its my time" thing. i mean i get where he is coming from but i don't want to think about it. pops is 53. he's got a lot years left.

but anywho....


Pops really wants me to move out there. we went and looked a few schools in the Houston area. i liked them all, but after thinking and discussing it with michelle
(stepmom) we came to the conclusion that a move out there isn't whats best. really i said it, but she cosigned. so i decided that the best option now for me is to focus on graduating and going to a grad school that is in the area(s) that my major is needed most. mainly schools on the east coast and also one school in the south. right now i'm lookin at John Jay in NYC. I originally said that i wanted to move back to the east coast after i graduated but then i started thinking about if i'm in a relationship and if the move would be best for us. WELL, since i'm currently single and i don't know when my next relationship is going to come, i'm going to concentrate on whats best for aaron. and if i happen to be with someone when its time for my move, if she's the one, then she will also be apart of the move as well. i mean who wouldn't want to move to the big apple? but thats a long time from now. lets get a girlfriend first lol



today i had a talk with my mom about how she and i interact and it got real emotional for me. she will NEVER admit something even if she knows that she is wrong on and her excuse is its my house and thats how its going to be as long as u are in my house. now don't get me wrong, i do things that i shouldn't but i'm not purposely doing things to disrespect her. if i make a mistake i am willing to say "its my fault. i apologize." with her its "i don't remember saying/doing that" and thats not right at all. one thing that i do know, i will NOT raise my future child(ren) under that same philosophy. she is quick to say things about my dad about how he wasn't around for me as a child but i favor him or that i want to see him and stuff like that, but u don't say things like that to a young child. she also said other things but i'm going to go into it. but i will say this, if any of my readers have any kids, do NOT bash their mother/father in their face. especially if the child has a connection with them. regardless if you have a terrible relationship with them or not. its not fair. BUT BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING........Own up to your actions. i just recently learned to do that. i'm still learnin actually but i don't mind admitting when wrong.



lets see...what else....oh yeah!!!!


last night i went to the casino for the first time ever in life!!! i know i know i'm late but #dontjudgeme( lol for my tweeples) but it was really fun. i'm not big on gambling i only spent 3 bucks lol of course i lost it, but still i fun. i didn't get the games though. and what really baffled me was that the workers couldn't explain to u how to play the games. like what the heck is that about??? they couldn't touch anything. u couldn't even touch your cards and u have to motion with your hands on the table at that, if u wanted a hit or whatever the lingo is. lol my had a hot streak and won like 25 bucks but she got greedy and lost it lol it was fun. i wouldn't mind going back, but maybe with more money next time. lol good times



well thats all i have for tonight, holla at u guys later. until next time knuckle heads

peace and love

mess and other stuff

wassup!


so i've been having different feelings and emotions about my life and the people in it. u ever feel like hitting the reset button and start over? well thats how i feel. i feel like i have made certain mistakes in the past that seem to keep poppin up. not saying that i can't handle them coming back into play, its that i'm just tired of them coming back ya kno? and its because i seem to have the "hard to let go bug" i talked to my home girl tonight and she made me realize a lot of things that we can't control, but we can control the mess that we allow to come back.


i don't necessarily mean people when i say mess. i mean situations. i allow situations to reoccur. its like i see them forming but i sometimes entertain it because its what i'm used to and then i sit back and look at it like "dang, here i go again". i'm so glad i was able to come visit my brothers in houston. i was able to sit them down and discuss A LOT of my mistakes that i made with them. especially my youngest brother. he's slackin a bit when it comes to the real world and he's gonna be out there in a short few months and i really want him to do well. as for my other brother, he's gonna be ok. i don't have the same worries for him that i have with jon. david is gonna be fine.

but back to my point*

MESS!!!!!!


I'm going to start making a more conscious effort to do better. whether it be financially, socially or whatever the case may be. I feel like God is tryin to show me things that will take me to the next level, but i have to let this mess go. i mean, to be a black man in america is hard enough, but the added drama is not needed. i'm not depressed or anything about it. its just is what it is.


i was seriously going crazy back in memphis. having to move home and deal with mothers mouth about dumb, simple things WILL make you go crazy. come the first of the year(2010) if i don't get my promotion, i'm gonna have to start lookin for other employment. i cannot and will not continue being in the same situation i'm in now. part of being a man is standing up and doing what u need to do. regardless of how much u may not want to, u have to do it. cuz i'll be damned if my wife(pray i get married lol) goes and asks her folks for anything.

so my dad wants me to move out here like today. lol he and michelle(stepmom) feel like there are things that i need to learn by living here and that i would benefit from it. granted i do miss living with them, but i feel like i would be living a fairy tale if i stayed here before i finished school. i have bills and obligations that i need to take care of first. i have school to finish up and then i can move. i did find out that i have family members in positions that i could greatly benefit from them helping me out. i think that 6 months after me graduating i will be ready to move on to the next level of my adulthood. whether it be here in houston or anywhere else. which brings me back to my original statement earlier saying that i prolly wouldn't have made the same mistakes i made had i been living here with them, but who's to say wouldn't have made others......


thats my time folks
peace and love

song of the day

can't help but think of you when i hear this song

funk

i find myself really irritated with very small things lately, idk what it is but its really causing me to have arguments with people that i shouldn't have. i think that i am going thru a transition in my life where i don't want excuses. just do it. if u say your gonna do something, do it. i don't wanna hear i forgot or well, i didn't think u would____. i really don't have anything else to say. i'm just in a funk that i NEED to get out of.......

i had something more important to discus but i will talk about it when i'm in a better mood...hopefully tomorrow.


peace&love