it was all a dream

I’ve been having these strange dreams lately about friends and mystery women that i have never met before. they are all based around the same thing……dating. my most recent dream was about a girl that i have never met. if i remember correctly, she was of some other race, but i don’t remember which one. i remember she had a friend and she was at the party we were at. but anywho, we are at this party, and this girl and i were really lovely dovey. in fact, my friends were tweeting about it. and my ex was there too! she was tweeting about us too. it was really strange. but the dream ended with her and i going to the grocery store getting food for the two of us to cook. very random ending, i know. but recently i’ve been having dreams about relationships with people that i know, but i have never had romantic feelings for them. and then there are the dreams i have about girls that i have never met. either way, i hope that something happens because if the girl of my “dreams” comes to a reality, i want it to happen soon lol

are these feelings normal???

so i haven't blooged in a few days because i've been watching true blood back to back for the past few days. *don't judge me. i've been off a couple days lol * hell, even tonight i'd be watching them but the website i go to is trippin so i decided to write for a bit before i go to bed. this weekend i probably won't be doing anything special. i have to work all weekend and i have a meeting on sunday morning that i have to go to that i really don't want to wake up for. i mean who has a meeting at 8am on a sunday????? only my boss. speaking my boss, i'm thinking about taking less of a role in my position. i really want to focus on MY life. i feel like this job is taking over my life. i find myself not really being happy at work. i mean don't get me wrong, i'm not depressed anymore or anything, but i just want to have a job that i can sit in an office and do a specific thing for 8hrs and go home stress free. i like my job, but i don't like the people that i work with too much. well mainly just one person. and i'm not saying that i'm going to quit because i don't like a particular person. i'm not stupid. i just want to have a job, be told the work that needs to be done, and when i finish i can go home. i'm thinking about moving to the operations side of the company. i just don't want to deal with people. i want to just work in peace. so we'll see what happens......


u ever feel like something is missing in your life but you aren't sure what it is? thats how i feel. well, i'm not sure if it's because i miss my friend, or if i just have that empty void that i want to fill. i'm thinking that it's a little bit of both mixed with my feelings being so wishy washy. i've noticed that i can really like or miss a person and then the next day i don't think twice about them. i don't think thats normal. i've been talkin to my ex more. i'd like to say daily but not really. maybe more like every other day. there are times when i want to tell her that i miss her or how i would like to see her and spend time with her, but then i have moments where i just don't want to open closed doors. i mean if she were to say something about us talking or dating again, i really don't know what i would say. but i'm 99% sure that she won't do that. she has a lot going on right now and i just don't see her wanting anything more than friendship. sure we can hang out from time to time, but it will probably stop there. which brings me back to my original thought, "is this what i'm missing in my life and am i just missing these girls because one isn't in my life while the other is?" as u can see this is a very complicated subject for me.


i had something else to talk about but i forgot. i think its the sleep that's starting to creep in. i've talk to you guys later.....

peace&love

weekend update

hey everybody! how was you all's weekend? my was pretty cool. real chill. kinda mellow, but still fun nonetheless. i kicked it with the #335 all weekend. i've been over there a lot lately. i love those girls. we are really like family. they have me watching harry potter movies. i never watched a single HP movie before this weekend and i'm hooked. lol #dontjudgeme i enjoyed them. i have 2 or 3 more to see before i get caught up on the series and then i might read the latest book once i get finished with the movies.


last entry i briefly touched on a subject that i was very touchy to me. i spoke a little too much off of emotion and i didn't really give the other side a chance to hear their side of the story. i shouldn't have said what i said. i apologized to my friend for what i said, but i'm not sure if it changed anything. i also got into an argument with a young lady that i was "talking" to. it was really petty, but i think it was needed for it to be completely over. i mean i knew it was over for a few weeks, but after what was said this weekend, there was no if's and's or but's about it. yesterday i apologized for the things i said. but i didn't do it as an attempt to try to work things out, i did it so that i could have my closure and to walk away from it on a positive note. i don't like ending things on bad terms. well at least on my end rather. but anywho, thats, that for that topic. hopefully things will work out for me and big homie. i still view him as a friend, but like i told him, people make mistakes. but only time will tell.


i've been in contact with my ex a lot these past few days. but not like what u think. we are in the begining stages of being friends. well at least i think we are lol anywho, i think that when u truly love someone, they will always have a place in your heart. i just want her to be happy regardless of who she is with. well thats all for now. holla at you guys later

peace&love

its not my fault lol

so i haven't been able to blog in almost a month because of my internet connection, but i'm back!!! i missed you guys! how have you all been?

the last time i talked to you guys, i was at a really low place in my life and i didn't really see signs of getting better, but i'm actually doing a lot better. i'm no longer "dating" the young lady that i was dating. it's for the best though. i was a little down about it, but i kinda knew it wasn't going to work in the long run. we had too many different opinions on things. sometimes i feel a little down but for the most part i'm ok with it. i'm kinda use to my relationships not working out to be honest. i was planning on moving to new york this summer, but i don't think its going to happen. my job really low blowed me on the transfer, but they made up for it with a nice raise so, i'm going to save up my money and finish school and then focus on moving. my grandmother isn't really feeling well either. she had a stroke a few weeks ago and its not looking like she is getting any better. i don't want to leave with her sick like this. my dads mom passed back in 04 and i felt like i didn't spend as much time and call her like i should have. so i kinda feel like this is my chance to make up from her, with my grams thats sick now. its always the person at the funeral that acts a fool because they didnt do what they should have while their loved one was living so they act all extra at the funeral and i'm be damned if that person is me.

today i found out something about someone that i thought was a good person, but they aren't as cool as i thought they were. it really made me mad because they said some things about a close friend of mine that i didn't agree with. now its not my place to say anything but it just really grinds my gears when things like that happen. i'm suppose to be seeing an old friend this weekend i think. i'm going to find out tomorrow if i will or not, but i'm a little excited to see her though. its been a long time since we hung out so i'm sure we will have fun....

well thats all for now, i'll be back to write more this sunday
peace&love