mess and other stuff

wassup!


so i've been having different feelings and emotions about my life and the people in it. u ever feel like hitting the reset button and start over? well thats how i feel. i feel like i have made certain mistakes in the past that seem to keep poppin up. not saying that i can't handle them coming back into play, its that i'm just tired of them coming back ya kno? and its because i seem to have the "hard to let go bug" i talked to my home girl tonight and she made me realize a lot of things that we can't control, but we can control the mess that we allow to come back.


i don't necessarily mean people when i say mess. i mean situations. i allow situations to reoccur. its like i see them forming but i sometimes entertain it because its what i'm used to and then i sit back and look at it like "dang, here i go again". i'm so glad i was able to come visit my brothers in houston. i was able to sit them down and discuss A LOT of my mistakes that i made with them. especially my youngest brother. he's slackin a bit when it comes to the real world and he's gonna be out there in a short few months and i really want him to do well. as for my other brother, he's gonna be ok. i don't have the same worries for him that i have with jon. david is gonna be fine.

but back to my point*

MESS!!!!!!


I'm going to start making a more conscious effort to do better. whether it be financially, socially or whatever the case may be. I feel like God is tryin to show me things that will take me to the next level, but i have to let this mess go. i mean, to be a black man in america is hard enough, but the added drama is not needed. i'm not depressed or anything about it. its just is what it is.


i was seriously going crazy back in memphis. having to move home and deal with mothers mouth about dumb, simple things WILL make you go crazy. come the first of the year(2010) if i don't get my promotion, i'm gonna have to start lookin for other employment. i cannot and will not continue being in the same situation i'm in now. part of being a man is standing up and doing what u need to do. regardless of how much u may not want to, u have to do it. cuz i'll be damned if my wife(pray i get married lol) goes and asks her folks for anything.

so my dad wants me to move out here like today. lol he and michelle(stepmom) feel like there are things that i need to learn by living here and that i would benefit from it. granted i do miss living with them, but i feel like i would be living a fairy tale if i stayed here before i finished school. i have bills and obligations that i need to take care of first. i have school to finish up and then i can move. i did find out that i have family members in positions that i could greatly benefit from them helping me out. i think that 6 months after me graduating i will be ready to move on to the next level of my adulthood. whether it be here in houston or anywhere else. which brings me back to my original statement earlier saying that i prolly wouldn't have made the same mistakes i made had i been living here with them, but who's to say wouldn't have made others......


thats my time folks
peace and love