dreaming/thinking of you

i had a dream today about my ex. it was a pt2 to the dream i had the other night that i told u guys about. this time was different. she called me. we talked for about an hour i'm guessing; in the dream it was a long time.lol we talked about everything. EVERYTHING, from the day we met, to the day we talked for the last time. we laughed. didn't argue a single time. she said that she was surprised that i even picked up the phone. she thanked me for talkin to her and we hung up. then i woke up scratching my head like WTF???? kinda weird huh. funny thing about all this, i don't hate her. well kinda but not really......well, i don't hate her. i strongly dislike her for not being honest with me about her feelings for ol' boy and still "doing" their thing while she and i were "working things out". i can't lie and pretend that i don't miss her though. i miss her like crazy. her smile, her touch, her kiss. hell, i even miss her crazy ass dog......... but what i'm feeling isn't a missing her as in "wanting to be with her" missing her b/c i could never go back. my heart wouldn't allow it.

i planned on writing this long letter(sometime in the near future. a month or 2 or 3) to her saying how much i had changed and how wrong about me she was and that leaving me for him was the biggest mistake of her life, but now, honestly, its not worth it. i know how far i've come and how far i'm going. i've done more than i thought that i could do in this short period of time and i'm so proud of myself. i have a great full-time job. i'll be living in my own place as soon as the first of the year and i did it all within a 6weeks span. i don't need that closure from her. i just need to keep doing what i'm doing......moving on. yeah it hurts me that she's out having a blast wit that dude and i'm sittin here lookin at the 4 walls(while i lay awake at night not being able to sleep) in my room wondering when am i gonna find someone thats going to want to be with me for who i am. sometimes i wonder what shes doing. if she thinks about me as much as i think about her. but then i remember," clearly not as much as u do because you would have gotten something(text, call, tweet, fb message)from her to show that she does." but then i think to myself, "why does it matter?" i'm not going down that path again so let her do her. i haven't had the urge to call her. not one time. but i have had the urge to send "F YOU" texts when i think about things that i know she wasn't honest with me about and telling people false things about me and my actions as of late. i think to myself, "hey, she doesn't care, so don't look back homie. keep it moving." even if she were to call me, i don't think i would want to talk to her. not right now at least. i wouldn't know what to say..... maybe after i get a fine ass girlfriend and move into my place, tell her i'm filthy rich and i'm getting married.....yeah,then maybe so i can brag on myself like i'm 12 lol but i wouldn't want to do that either. i just want to happy and i'm headed down that path.......


if you are listening to the music being played, these songs are a few songs that i have been listening to during this time of "moving on". they help me on the extra sad days and the extra happy days. i have yet to reach the "happy medium" but with each day that goes by, i feel i'm getting closer and closer to that point and eventually i will be at a place were i don't think about her at all. these are songs that were recommended to me to help me get past this and it helps and i feel like its my turn to help my readers in need to know of these songs as well. i really didn't plan on going this far about this stuff in this post but i'm here now. thanks for reading.....

peace&love