the final chapter

ok so i have to apologize


last night was something not in the norm for me. i let something get to me that i shouldn't have. last night i called my ex and it was the best thing that i could have done. the thoughts and gut feelings that i've been having for the past 2months were finally revealed to me. i made my last plea and she denied,although thinking back at it why on earth would i want that i have no idea but anywho, we got off the phone. i got a little teary eyed. prayed and asked God to take this off my back and to help me focus on the things/people that i need to be focusing on. well this morning i woke up and i felt so much better. i got up mad early and went to church and i really enjoyed myself. it was meant for me to be there today. everything that was bothering me i left it were it belongs....behind me. i went to work and had a great day!

then the drama came........


so yesterday after i figured out what had been on my mind, i contacted a friend that i hadn't talked to in a while and i said some premature things that i shouldn't have and she calle me out on it which was granted. i did miss talkin to her and she said so too, but she knew that i was going thru back and forth feelings with my ex and she wasn't tryin to get back into that situation and i agreed. i wasn't/nor am i tryin to bring anyone into a situation that isn't resovled. so we decided that the best option was to just try to be friends which was perfect for me. so today we were tweeting and then outta nowhere my ex comes and starts going off talkin about "its funny how when she(my ex) "disappears" my friend and i are right back talkin. well i had my response and i told her its funny how when i'm out the picture, the same guy that she claimed she had no feelings for, she all of a sudden wants to be kissin and wants to plan a trip with him. so i was done with it. granted i shouldn't have entertained it, but i let one slip. so my ex proceeds to tag my friend and i in this long message trying to "out" me and the things that i said to her about getting back together and about how we lacked intimacy. when the whole time my friend and i are just tryin to be friends we aren't in a relationship nor are we tryin to be in one. but anyways before i could really read what was said, she makes her page private and proceeds to entertain her friends with our dirty laundry. at first it got to me a little bit, but then i was like eff it. i have nothing to say to her. if she wants to do this she can. its not in my hands and i'm not gonna get worked up about it. then she proceeds to text me and call me out my name and say that she bleached my clothes that she had of mine(btw i could careless because its only clothes that i don't hardly wear anymore) then a few hrs later she sends this text that puts the icing on the cake: U r a fuckin fool, I BEEN fuckin ____(guys name), dumb ass... she proceeded to call me a liar about what was going on with my friend and saying that i played her about what was going on. Now when i got this text i was heated, but then i remembered, i'm not doing this again. i wasn't wrong for reaching out to my friend. yeah i liked her, but i'm not tryin to get with her. like i told her, i missed our friendship. when she and i were talkin before i used to tell her all the time how much i enjoyed the way she talked to me. the way she got her point across without the yelling and screaming and profanity. talkin to her made me appreciate good chemistry. even today, she didn't fall into the crap my ex was throwing at her and i thank her for that.

guys you have no idea how much i DO NOT care about this crap anymore! but i blame myself. when i found out 2moths ago what she did with a friend of mine, i should have told her to keep stepping. but i didn't. and because of that, i allowed her to come back and here we are now. but i learned my lesson. never again will she ever get the chance of being wit me. she can continue to "fuck" that boy. i saved her texts and her words will forever be in my mind and i will carry them with me as motivation. my grind is extra hard. i'm more focused on my goals and plans and i will not stop until i get there. i knw that sounds corny but its how i feel. its crazy how you can have all these feelings for a person one week and feel nothing the next.

now lets be realistic about this, of course i still love her and care about her, but the want and desire to be with her or be near her, no longer exists. i do feel bad about not telling my friend the entire story about my ex, but in the begining i didn't see it going ANYWHERE and of course being around my ex and seeing her so much, those feelings came back so my feelings for my friend started to fade. i was wrong and i take full responsibility of my actions. but after hearing my ex say that she's BEEN fuckin that dude, like to say say this whole time she's been seeing and talkin to him, i feel like i needed that. i needed to hear the worse to move on but it is what it is now and have only one goal.....keep moving. i said this earlier today and i seriously meant it... ignore, delete and on to the next one.......

peace&love